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Every man has an ego. It is what differentiates us from animals; it makes it possible for us to exist among other humans and meet the expectations that society demands of us.

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In spite of these benefits, the ego, unfortunately, gets in the way of many. From fixating on the kind of job they work, the clothes they wear, and what school their children attend, people often get so consumed with their egos that they end up losing themselves.

If you fall into this category and would like to take back control of your ego, here are some steps you can start taking.

Focus on the process

This can also be expressed as “focus on what you can control”. If you engage in constructive introspection about your life, you’d surely find many areas in which you worry way more than you should. This is a trait common to all humans.

“We suffer more in our imagination more often than in reality.” – Seneca

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This unnecessary suffering stems from worrying about the outcomes of our actions. Worried about the result of a test you took? Why not hope for the best and appreciate your ability to create more opportunities for yourself even if you don’t pass the test? After all, worrying about it will not have any impact on the result in any way. Understanding that we only have control over the process and not the outcome is a great step to controlling the ego.

Don’t compare yourself to others

As much as society would have you believe that the status of others has a bearing on your own status in life, this is not the case. It is important to remember that every man has self-worth and his ability to realise it depends on how he views himself. If he views himself based on his relative success or failure to others, his self-worth would be affected and he’ll suffer from a loss of self-confidence.

Not comparing yourself to others does not mean that you should stop aiming for lofty goals and improving yourself. Instead, it means that your metric for success or failure should be based on how fulfilled you feel and not whether someone else is succeeding or failing.

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Face your fears

It’s hard to live a happy life when you’re controlled by your ego. You may temporarily feel happy when enjoying success but in the absence of it, you end up falling into despair. The same goes for failing to achieve something. Operating with such a mindset can result in a life of fear. You become scared of taking action because you’re too attached to the outcome.

This fear may also manifest itself as a kind of fear known as the fear of success – the fear that once you achieve something you’ll be unable to sustain it. To get over your fears, you need to face them. Jump into the things you fear and trust yourself. The more you do things that scare you the more you start to be grateful for the small things.

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This article was first published on 21st April 2022


My name is Samuel Okoruwa. I am an ardent researcher, reading is life and writing is fun.

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