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You’ve barely gone on two dates and then you begin to experience the stressful “I love you” phase. This brings excitement. But with your heart pumping and butterflies fluttering around in your tummy, could this be true love? What is love exactly? Do I love this person and do they genuinely love me too? How do I know? These are pretty tough questions to answer.

We sometimes fall in love with the idea of someone or the person we perceive someone to be, while in the real sense they really aren’t what we have imagined them to be.

So, how do you know you are falling in love?

1. You Can’t Control It

Love is an uncontrollable feeling. Dr Gabija Toleikyte, a Neuroscientist, believes that these feelings reach deep into our subconscious. If you think this feeling is created in the moment, your brain has been processing this already in advance.

2. It’s Linked To Biology

Now here is where it gets a little weird. Biologically, the feeling of love allows human beings to focus on one person for mating purposes. This essentially gives us enough time to bond, make a baby, and nurture the child. You probably thought it’s about finding your soulmate, didn’t you? Well, me too. But actually, it’s about keeping the species alive.

3. Love Is Not Necessarily Sexual At First

Love doesn’t have to start off with sexual attraction. Emotional or mental connection can begin and then develop into physical attraction. Isn’t love just a weird thing?

4. It Accepts The Bad And Good

True love is about accepting your partner for who they are. Everyone has got bad qualities, and that’s exactly what makes us human. However, knowing their bad qualities, yet, still wanting to be with them and share happiness with them, is true love.

5. Love Is Intense

Making sense of what is love can be a little bit of rocket science especially when trying to distinguish love from lust. However, there are some feelings that differentiate the two. Love is a feeling of intensity.

With lust however, you physically want that person in flesh and person. While with love, there is an experience of high emotional and mental intensity, you don’t necessarily want to have a physical relationship with them, you just want to be around them all the time.

6. Love Isn’t Abusive

Love can make you angry and cry—this is a part of it. However, love isn’t supposed to mentally, emotionally, or physically degrade or suppress you. Your partner should stand beside you, make you feel free. If that’s not the case, then you know that they don’t love you. Hard as it may be to hear, it’s the truth.

7. Love Can Last A Lifetime

This is always a question people ask me; can love last forever? I think it can. Though, I believe it takes on different forms with time. When you’re in love during the honeymoon period, it’s a different love than being with that person after ten years. The connection grows, it deepens, life experiences change you and your partner. Though it may not be that intense feeling, it doesn’t mean it’s not love.

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This article was first published on 8th October 2019


My name is Louis Anani and I am also known by friends as L.A Inspire. I am a digital content developer, realtor, inspirational storyteller, youth speaker and podcaster. I love to teach, council and help youngsters find a path in life when they feel empty and lost. And though solving the world’s problems is somewhat impossible, I believe doing one act of kindness to one person every day is a great start.

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