4 Mistakes Parents Make With Children

By Tega Atigogo Being a parent is one of the most fulfilling experiences a person can have. It’s basically loving and caring for another life. However, there are some socially acceptable norms that are considered rules when it comes to parenting. Rule1: parents are always right Rule2: even when they are wrong, refer to rule one. Although it may sound somewhat realistic, the above is not always true because sometimes parents can be so wrong. Here are four examples of how parents may go wrong: 1. Parents who have poor, little or no communication with their kids: This can happen as a result of several reasons, and topping the list is career. Parents whose children are usually at the mercy of house maids because of their extremely busy and tight schedules hardly find time to communicate with their kids. The importance of communication cannot be overemphasised; it prevents a lot of disasters. When you talk with your children, it not only makes them happy and gives them a sense of belonging, it also makes it possible to know what is going on in their lives, their school, their health, whether they are being abused physically or emotionally etc. Communicating with them helps you know and understand them better. Being more of a listener even when they open up about things that are wrong, and correcting with love, are also important, because a parent can never be over-loving; there’s simply no such thing as that. 2. Parents who just can’t do without shouting and cursing: Have you ever thought of the fact that you can get your kids to listen to you without yelling at them? Yes it’s very possible, but some parents yell at every little thing, whether it is worth yelling about or not. Most of the time, you’ll achieve more by just talking to them than raising your voice at them. If you’ve been shouting for years and things are still the same, why don’t you try just talking? A wise person said it is only a mad man that does the same thing over and over again and expects a different result. Talking passes the message more than yelling. Raining curses on children at every little mistake is also a no-no, and achieves nothing.  If you are guilty of this, please stop, because words play a great role in shaping one’s life.

3. The parent whose word is law: Time and things have changed. Gone are the days when children had no say in their parents’ decisions. In fact, one of the keys to a happy family is to always consider children’s feelings and opinions before taking certain decisions, especially those that affect the whole family. As a parent, it is always good to hear what your children have to say about certain things; their opinion may just guide you in the right direction. It is wrong to impose things on them. For example, a father says his son or daughter must become the doctor that he couldn’t be. Therefore he forces the child to read Medicine knowing full well that he/she has other interests. Let your children live their lives and their dreams; don’t live your dreams through your children. 4. Washing your dirty linen in public: Children being who they are will definitely make mistakes that are sometimes terrible, but as parents the best thing to do is to correct them within the confines of your home. By telling the whole world how terrible your children are, you are indirectly telling people that you failed in your responsibility of raising your child properly. Talking about children’s flaws or mistakes not only embarrasses them but may also be a form of hindrance to them in future, because the negative information might one day be used against them. Instead, speak well of your kids; this is so important. Praise them especially in public, focus on their strengths while working on their weakness. Speaking well of them will not only make them confident, but will also encourage them to change. If you know and they know that what you’re saying about them especially in public isn’t exactly the case, they’ll be compelled to live up to the positive standards that you paint for them. Parenting is a responsibility, and no parent can ever be 100 percent correct. So bear in mind that you don’t have to be infallible to be a perfect parent. Even the Bible admonishes that foolishness is bound in the heart of a child. Always correct them in love. Raise your child to be a future leader; not a future nuisance. Good luck in applying these principles.  

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This article was first published on 23rd January 2014

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