Where Do Busybodies Really Come From?

Children, especially when they are very young, don’t understand boundaries. They feel free to ask any and every question that comes to mind, and to give their opinion on whatever subject, regardless of who is involved. It is in the process of training a child that boundaries are taught. Thus, the child learns that it is not every question that should be asked, and that, unless you’re asked, you should generally keep your opinion about someone else’s business to yourself. Apparently, this only happens in ideal circumstances, and not everyone was trained or remembers what they were taught. How else do you explain the staggering number of adults who have no understanding of boundaries, and who cannot mind their business even if their lives depended on it? These individuals frequently comment on matters that do not concern or affect them, think nothing of offering unsolicited advice, and poke their noses into other peoples’ business without qualms. They know why you’re not yet married; you’re deliberately putting it off. They even know that many men have asked your hand in marriage and that you’re being choosy, too picky for your own good. They know that you’re focusing too much on your career, and that the new car you bought is what is intimidating men and preventing you from “finding a husband”. They also know that you cannot possibly care about your ageing parents, otherwise, you would have “managed” any of the guys around, no matter how incompatible you are, so that your parents can see their grandchildren before they die. Why are you so unthoughtful and heartless? Well, a woman’s flower fades; you’re getting old, and they’re here to tell you. Oh, you’re married! Why is your tummy still flat? Don’t you know it’s better to start childbearing as soon as possible? Didn’t you hear of this couple, who decided to wait and enjoy each other before “starting a family”, and when they were finally ready, the children just wouldn’t come? You’re not getting any younger and neither are your parents, so hurry up and pop out the children. If you think they will leave you alone when you have a baby, perish the thought. They have this special inbuilt calendar that lets them know when it’s time for you to have a second child. What are you waiting for? Don’t you know it’s better to have them “sharp-sharp”? If you weren’t so self-centred and insensitive to the needs of others, you would know that your child needs a sibling. Stop being selfish and “give your child someone to play with”. They just never stop; it never ends. Whether you marry early or late, whether you start having children immediately or not, whether you breastfeed exclusively or give your child formula, whether you have your children in quick succession or far apart, whether you decide to stay at home and raise them or you choose to continue working, these people will always have something to say. As a matter of fact, they will be back to say more after you give in to pressure and enter a miserable marriage. They don’t care about your PCOS or your husband’s low sperm count. Your multiple miscarriages have never occurred to them. They will never understand how, given your current financial situation, delaying childbearing is sheer common sense. They just don’t understand what it means to mind their own business. Maybe, they forgot what they were taught, or they simply were never trained and were just allowed to grow up like weeds instead. Whatever the case, don’t be that person and don’t raise that person. Beyond the fact that there is immense peace in minding your business and staying in your lane, it is simply the right way to live. If you haven’t started actively teaching your children to mind their business, don’t assume they will learn it by themselves. Please teach them. You’d be doing them a great disservice if you don’t.

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This article was first published on 26th January 2018

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