There are several reasons why relationships fail and most times, the reason it fails is related to issues of intolerance and imbalance. Concerning imbalance in relationships, it often happens when in a loving relationship that you have two types of people; a perpetual giver and a perpetual taker. In such cases, it is only a matter of time before the giver becomes tired and voices his/her dissatisfaction. Whoever it is you are, whether you are a ceaseless giver or a ceaseless taker, if you really want that relationship to work, there is a need for you to learn how to balance out your excesses by imbibing those traits you may lack.
Below are ten questions to help you decipher if you’re a giver or taker. Choose who, between you and your significant other does these the most. Mark “I do” if it relates to you and “He or She does” if it relates to your significant other.
1.
Who calls the most? Whoever calls the most is the most concerned about the relationship and might feel that his/her significant other does not want the relationship if he rarely calls. Balance must be restored in this case. The giver should make her views known to his/her significant other. The giver needs to know whether the taker still wants the relationship and if they do, they should act appropriately.
2.
Who feels disrespected the most? This is a no brainer! If you feel disrespected in your relationship and you have tried to talk it out with the other person, you should run out of it for safety. However, if you feel they might not know that they are hurting and disrespecting you, let them know what it is they are doing that feels disrespectful to you. Let them know you need them to change in those areas. When they change, you are happy and they know you a relatively better than before – it is a win-win situation that creates balance. If they don’t change, say a quick good-bye.
3.
Who cleans up after who the other the most? Culture requires in this part of the world that a woman has her wifely, motherly and in addition her employee duties. So, when we see our men tell us sometimes to pause our wifely and motherly duties a day or two so that they can take it up just for us to feel pampered, we light up. Yes, the home should be a comfort abode for the man but also for the woman. There should be times when the man should decide to go out of way to take some of his wife’s duties. Doing this will only make her love you the more for it. She is bound to feel that you appreciate her as a person and beyond what her duties are as your wife in your home. When balance is created, couples can enjoy their peaceful and comfortable abodes in return.
4.
Who listens and shows empathy more than the other? The giver is the one who keeps quiet and gets to hear all about the frustration and dissatisfaction of the other person and is usually expected to feel exactly what the significant other feels. If the taker does not get to hear your voice, what you stand for and what you don’t stand for now, you might just set yourself up for a lifetime of frustration in silence. The giver of time, ears and feelings has to speak up. If you think that what your significant other is doing is wrong, let them know. If they are the one with issues, let them know what you think. Don’t hide it.
5.
Who gives up their choice the most in other for the other to be happy? No one is destined for a lifetime of sadness. You have to believe that your life counts before you can believe that being happy counts for you too. If your significant other cannot let go of their choices and has never for once let their choices go just to make you happy, that relationship is truly not worth the stress!
6.
Who is more affectionate? If your significant other is always moody and you end up being the one to pet them back to being happy, I am afraid that it may be beyond anything you can handle as their action might be an indication that they are not happy in the relationship. You need to sit them down and talk about it. If the same person goes further to act like they do not know what the word ‘pet’ means when you are down, dear, you might not need to talk much as it is clear that it is time for you to move on.
7.
Who tries to keep the peace at all cost? It is important to keep the peace in a relationship but if you have to keep it at all cost, it may not be worth it. If the taker’s word is last and rule always to the extent that they don’t entertain and appreciate your views, move on!
8
. Who gives special gifts to the other the most? Special gifts catches every person’s attention but watch out if one person does it more than the other. This type of imbalance is a sure recipe for disaster. If you are a taker and your partner goes to great lengths to surprise you with special gifts, the least thing to do beyond a thank you is to reciprocate in kind.
9.
Who gives an account of his/her day the most? I have found out that the simple act of telling that special person about your day is really deep because other than telling your partner that you have got nothing to hide and they can trust you, you are also telling them that you wish they were a part of your day. So, if you are the only one giving an account of how your day went and the other person has never even used their initiative to tell you about their day, speak to them about it and let them know how much you would like to know.
10.
Who complains about trust issues the most? This is a delicate one because one cannot really tell whether there are trust issues or not in a relationship unless the culprit is caught red handed. But my own deduction of the issue rests upon what you do when you think you have trust issues in your relationship. Do you rant, rave and complain about it or do you talk it out as two adults who love each other? Accusing your partner without proof sometimes is a defense mechanism one may employ when trying to cover up own faults. But if choose to talk the situation out with the other person, you might end up clarifying your doubts about those issues.
If you answered, “I do” to most or all of the questions, you are a giver and I may advise that you slow down a little because you are on a row! Phew! If you are the giver in the above description of a relationship, then you need to call the other person and ask them whether they still want the relationship. If they still do, let them know that there must be some sort of balance, that you would like to be heard and that you want to be happy.
If you answered, he/she does to most or all of the questions, you are a taker and boy, it is about time you stop taking! By now, you should have realized your faults. If you truly want the relationship, make amends. Let your giver know you truly love them.
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This article was first published on 28th March 2014
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There are several reasons why relationships fail and most times, the reason it fails is related to issues of intolerance and imbalance. Concerning imbalance in relationships, it often happens when in a loving relationship that you have two types of people; a perpetual giver and a perpetual taker. In such cases, it is only a matter of time before the giver becomes tired and voices his/her dissatisfaction. Whoever it is you are, whether you are a ceaseless giver or a ceaseless taker, if you really want that relationship to work, there is a need for you to learn how to balance out your excesses by imbibing those traits you may lack.
Below are ten questions to help you decipher if you’re a giver or taker. Choose who, between you and your significant other does these the most. Mark “I do” if it relates to you and “He or She does” if it relates to your significant other.
1. Who calls the most? Whoever calls the most is the most concerned about the relationship and might feel that his/her significant other does not want the relationship if he rarely calls. Balance must be restored in this case. The giver should make her views known to his/her significant other. The giver needs to know whether the taker still wants the relationship and if they do, they should act appropriately.
2.Who feels disrespected the most? This is a no brainer! If you feel disrespected in your relationship and you have tried to talk it out with the other person, you should run out of it for safety. However, if you feel they might not know that they are hurting and disrespecting you, let them know what it is they are doing that feels disrespectful to you. Let them know you need them to change in those areas. When they change, you are happy and they know you a relatively better than before – it is a win-win situation that creates balance. If they don’t change, say a quick good-bye.
3. Who cleans up after who the other the most? Culture requires in this part of the world that a woman has her wifely, motherly and in addition her employee duties. So, when we see our men tell us sometimes to pause our wifely and motherly duties a day or two so that they can take it up just for us to feel pampered, we light up. Yes, the home should be a comfort abode for the man but also for the woman. There should be times when the man should decide to go out of way to take some of his wife’s duties. Doing this will only make her love you the more for it. She is bound to feel that you appreciate her as a person and beyond what her duties are as your wife in your home. When balance is created, couples can enjoy their peaceful and comfortable abodes in return.
4. Who listens and shows empathy more than the other? The giver is the one who keeps quiet and gets to hear all about the frustration and dissatisfaction of the other person and is usually expected to feel exactly what the significant other feels. If the taker does not get to hear your voice, what you stand for and what you don’t stand for now, you might just set yourself up for a lifetime of frustration in silence. The giver of time, ears and feelings has to speak up. If you think that what your significant other is doing is wrong, let them know. If they are the one with issues, let them know what you think. Don’t hide it.
5. Who gives up their choice the most in other for the other to be happy? No one is destined for a lifetime of sadness. You have to believe that your life counts before you can believe that being happy counts for you too. If your significant other cannot let go of their choices and has never for once let their choices go just to make you happy, that relationship is truly not worth the stress!
6. Who is more affectionate? If your significant other is always moody and you end up being the one to pet them back to being happy, I am afraid that it may be beyond anything you can handle as their action might be an indication that they are not happy in the relationship. You need to sit them down and talk about it. If the same person goes further to act like they do not know what the word ‘pet’ means when you are down, dear, you might not need to talk much as it is clear that it is time for you to move on.
7. Who tries to keep the peace at all cost? It is important to keep the peace in a relationship but if you have to keep it at all cost, it may not be worth it. If the taker’s word is last and rule always to the extent that they don’t entertain and appreciate your views, move on!
8. Who gives special gifts to the other the most? Special gifts catches every person’s attention but watch out if one person does it more than the other. This type of imbalance is a sure recipe for disaster. If you are a taker and your partner goes to great lengths to surprise you with special gifts, the least thing to do beyond a thank you is to reciprocate in kind.
9. Who gives an account of his/her day the most? I have found out that the simple act of telling that special person about your day is really deep because other than telling your partner that you have got nothing to hide and they can trust you, you are also telling them that you wish they were a part of your day. So, if you are the only one giving an account of how your day went and the other person has never even used their initiative to tell you about their day, speak to them about it and let them know how much you would like to know.
10. Who complains about trust issues the most? This is a delicate one because one cannot really tell whether there are trust issues or not in a relationship unless the culprit is caught red handed. But my own deduction of the issue rests upon what you do when you think you have trust issues in your relationship. Do you rant, rave and complain about it or do you talk it out as two adults who love each other? Accusing your partner without proof sometimes is a defense mechanism one may employ when trying to cover up own faults. But if choose to talk the situation out with the other person, you might end up clarifying your doubts about those issues.
If you answered, “I do” to most or all of the questions, you are a giver and I may advise that you slow down a little because you are on a row! Phew! If you are the giver in the above description of a relationship, then you need to call the other person and ask them whether they still want the relationship. If they still do, let them know that there must be some sort of balance, that you would like to be heard and that you want to be happy.
If you answered, he/she does to most or all of the questions, you are a taker and boy, it is about time you stop taking! By now, you should have realized your faults. If you truly want the relationship, make amends. Let your giver know you truly love them.
