Don’t Change Your Spouse
It was just like yesterday; listening to him, I am bewildered by what I have just heard. Here before me, is a man that I hold in high esteem; each time I see him and his family, I am filled with envy. Looking at them, you could see the composure, happiness and laughter in their faces and yet hearing him say these words made me shake to the bones.
He narrates to me what he has to go through with his spouse every day. How nonchalant his wife is when it comes to doing home chores. How he would have to do everything in the house and the only thing his wife would do is cook. He further states because of her attitude, she would sometimes forget to bathe their 4-year-old child and that he had taken up the responsibility to do it himself. She would mess up the whole place and he would be the one to clean up the mess.
They had discussed about it several times but it only led to arguments. Yet surprisingly, after narrating his ordeals to me, he smiles and tells me that he loves his wife dearly, even though she has these weaknesses. One thing he loved about his wife was her ability to go the extra mile when the situation demanded it.
Till today, this family is still living together and every time I remember the conversation, one thing comes to my mind; how does he cope with all these and yet feel happy?
It’s no news that you cannot change your spouse. Anyone with that thought pattern will end up disappointed. I have heard these words repeated several times: “I thought he or she would change when we got married”. Usually, this is a trap that newlyweds enter into, due to unrealistic expectation and misinformation. However, it’s scary that many people use different methods to try and change their spouse; be it sweetly, sourly, manipulatively, angrily and others. Such are the measures people would go through to achieve this goal.
Remember that you married your spouse because you were in love with him or her so why do you want to change your spouse? I am aware that some spouses possess some negative behavioural traits and attitude such as gambling, being physically abusive, unfaithfulness, spending a lot of money e.t.c. but the truth is that if couples could focus on their strengths then they could assist each other in covering up their weaknesses
What do I mean? Hang in there.
Every single man and woman was born with a different personality and temperament; this is what shapes who he or she is and let’s not forget the environment. There is no one that is perfect and the fact is that, we need each other to grow. In marriage, the bond and happiness occurs when a man and a woman work together in harmony.
So he drops his clothes on the floor; she snores so much that you can’t sleep; he doesn’t do any chores at home; she is too bossy but is that all about him or her. Is her personality based on her weakness?
Think about it for a second. What are those things your spouse has done that has made you happy? What are those tasks that your spouse can do easily which you find very difficult and annoying? Now we are getting somewhere. (You could take a pen and list them out).
I have noticed that most times people are fond of dwelling on the weakest area of others forgetting that they also have theirs. Some even go as far as comparing a person’s weakness with another person’s strength. Even couples do this too and it’s dangerous; if there is one thing man cannot stand, it’s destructive criticism. Anything that can reduce one’s self image is dangerous and will only make one rebellious which is why there are so many divorces in marriage.
Instead of focusing on your spouse’s weakness, try and discover his or her strength and make good use of it. If there is an area where your spouse is weak such as not being able to do the home chores or forgetting important details and you know that’s your strong area, you can assist him or her. You could also find other alternatives. The key thing is make it as a duty to discover your spouse’s strengths and dwell on them.
Appreciate your spouse sincerely in his or her area of strength or unique abilities and you will be surprised at the effect it will have in your home.
About the author: Ikechi Awazie is a freelance writer, blogger and the creator of Be a Light to the World (www.awazieikechi.com) where he loudly declares that every man can make a difference in this world. You can follow him on Twitter.(www.twitter.com/ikechiawazie)
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This article was first published on 24th October 2014
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Don’t Change Your Spouse
It was just like yesterday; listening to him, I am bewildered by what I have just heard. Here before me, is a man that I hold in high esteem; each time I see him and his family, I am filled with envy. Looking at them, you could see the composure, happiness and laughter in their faces and yet hearing him say these words made me shake to the bones.
He narrates to me what he has to go through with his spouse every day. How nonchalant his wife is when it comes to doing home chores. How he would have to do everything in the house and the only thing his wife would do is cook. He further states because of her attitude, she would sometimes forget to bathe their 4-year-old child and that he had taken up the responsibility to do it himself. She would mess up the whole place and he would be the one to clean up the mess.
They had discussed about it several times but it only led to arguments. Yet surprisingly, after narrating his ordeals to me, he smiles and tells me that he loves his wife dearly, even though she has these weaknesses. One thing he loved about his wife was her ability to go the extra mile when the situation demanded it.
Till today, this family is still living together and every time I remember the conversation, one thing comes to my mind; how does he cope with all these and yet feel happy?
It’s no news that you cannot change your spouse. Anyone with that thought pattern will end up disappointed. I have heard these words repeated several times: “I thought he or she would change when we got married”. Usually, this is a trap that newlyweds enter into, due to unrealistic expectation and misinformation. However, it’s scary that many people use different methods to try and change their spouse; be it sweetly, sourly, manipulatively, angrily and others. Such are the measures people would go through to achieve this goal.
Remember that you married your spouse because you were in love with him or her so why do you want to change your spouse? I am aware that some spouses possess some negative behavioural traits and attitude such as gambling, being physically abusive, unfaithfulness, spending a lot of money e.t.c. but the truth is that if couples could focus on their strengths then they could assist each other in covering up their weaknesses
What do I mean? Hang in there.
Every single man and woman was born with a different personality and temperament; this is what shapes who he or she is and let’s not forget the environment. There is no one that is perfect and the fact is that, we need each other to grow. In marriage, the bond and happiness occurs when a man and a woman work together in harmony.
So he drops his clothes on the floor; she snores so much that you can’t sleep; he doesn’t do any chores at home; she is too bossy but is that all about him or her. Is her personality based on her weakness?
Think about it for a second. What are those things your spouse has done that has made you happy? What are those tasks that your spouse can do easily which you find very difficult and annoying? Now we are getting somewhere. (You could take a pen and list them out).
I have noticed that most times people are fond of dwelling on the weakest area of others forgetting that they also have theirs. Some even go as far as comparing a person’s weakness with another person’s strength. Even couples do this too and it’s dangerous; if there is one thing man cannot stand, it’s destructive criticism. Anything that can reduce one’s self image is dangerous and will only make one rebellious which is why there are so many divorces in marriage.
Instead of focusing on your spouse’s weakness, try and discover his or her strength and make good use of it. If there is an area where your spouse is weak such as not being able to do the home chores or forgetting important details and you know that’s your strong area, you can assist him or her. You could also find other alternatives. The key thing is make it as a duty to discover your spouse’s strengths and dwell on them.
Appreciate your spouse sincerely in his or her area of strength or unique abilities and you will be surprised at the effect it will have in your home.
About the author: Ikechi Awazie is a freelance writer, blogger and the creator of Be a Light to the World (www.awazieikechi.com) where he loudly declares that every man can make a difference in this world. You can follow him on Twitter.(www.twitter.com/ikechiawazie)
