Emotions Are Not The Enemy

Growing up in Nigeria, we learned that it’s okay for Females to be emotional but not Males. The sign of Masculinity was showing no emotion, being strong. While emotions symbolised femininity was because females are the ‘weaker vessel’. Hence, men would rather die in silence but rather than seek help or acknowledge their feelings; they become resentful and aggressive. Meanwhile, women now believe when rising in business or career, they need to toughen up and show no emotions. Now people see emotions as the enemy. What we forget is emotions are part of our genetic makeup. They shouldn’t be ignored. They are signals generated by the body to help us pay attention to specific issues/things. Emotions are what drive our energy levels up and can be a defence mechanism when we are faced with a threat. Keeping emotions locked away can make one suicidal, moody, pensive and volatile. Instead, we should strive to express and control it not suppress it. Have you ever seen someone laugh uncontrollably for no reason? Didn’t they look a little cray-cray to you? That’s because they may have been suppressing the urge to laugh for a long time. The first step in reigning in our emotions is understanding that emotions are not the enemy. Emotions are just a by-product. Below are the real culprits behind our feelings and the ways to deal with them: Your thoughts – Emotions are a product of the thoughts we think. If the quality of our thoughts is positive, then we would smile, laugh, have a sense of accomplishment/satisfaction etc. But if the thoughts are negative, then we need to acknowledge them, express them and refocus our minds on something else that is positive. If the negative emotion keeps on lingering, mentally describe the pain to yourself then write it out in a journal. Doing this helps us identify the root thought that led to that feeling. Sometimes to express the emotion, you may have to find a quiet place and actively give in to it. Like shouting into a pillow or crying it out in a bathroom till you feel a bit better. Then take note of how long you spent expressing that feeling and repeat the action till the feeling is entirely exhausted. You might even have to go over what made you feel that way and think through ways to avoid such a scenario, so it doesn’t repeat itself. Your Actions/an event – If you make a mistake, like mess up a presentation at a crucial meeting, it can affect your mood. Also, what you do when having a negative feeling is essential. Don’t act like a victim; take charge of your feelings. Channel them into helping other people sort out their problems. For instance, if you are feeling sad and worthless while passing by a road accident scene, stop and help the victims. Your mood will instantly lift because you’ll feel useful. So find a need and meet it when you are feeling emotional, and your attitude will change. Your food – Sometimes, the foods we eat can cause an emotional imbalance in us. Have you not noticed if you eat from an unhygienic Buka, you have stomach ache which makes you irritable? When you are always eating eba and rice, day in day out; you might feel down because your diet isn’t varied enough. Try to eat more balanced meals of fruits, fresh, unprocessed vegetables, lower carbohydrate intake and increase your protein intake. The right foods can keep you calm, alert, happy, active and focused because they make your brain secrete Serotonin, Dopamine and Norepinephrine. Eat foods rich in Folic Acid, Iron, Magnesium, Calcium, Selenium and Omega 3 fats. They induce a feel-good factor in your brain to help improve your mood/how you feel. Disney and Pixar’s Inside Out shows how vital both negative and positive emotions are to our make up as human beings. Emotions are triggered by thoughts, events and what we eat. Let’s learn to embrace our emotions.

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This article was first published on 23rd November 2017

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