If you are reading this post, let me commend you for not making up your mind to close this article as you are one in a million who has not given his mind an answer to this issue.
You may be curious to know if I am in favour or not, but before I give my verdict let’s look at this issue with an open mind.
It is one of the most controversial topics, and has been so for centuries. It is a bottleneck for many Christian singles. It is the issue of dating an unbeliever or a Non-Christian.
The origin of this issue begins in 2 Corinthians 6:14 where Paul says that we should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Also tied with this scripture is 1 Corinthians 15:33 which states that bad company corrupts good manners.
Now I can relate to why Paul talks about the issue of being unequally yoked. In the time past, Israel suffered a lot of hardship and suffering, being conquered by foreign nations and made to be slaves.
The Israelites believed that their suffering was as a result of sin against God but this was caused by the foreign counterparts who they happily embraced in their community. These foreign men and women introduced them to strange cultural practices and idols that made them turn away from God and therefore face His wrath.
Even though they would later be in God’s good books, Paul did not forget their ordeals which is why he could give such bold instructions.
However are we being plagued by the same situations that Israel encountered today? Are we being bombarded with idols and strange cultural practices? During the time of Paul, unbelievers were people who worshipped Idols and did not know God? Today we have religions such as Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Hindu, Atheism and a host of others. I wonder; should a person’s personality be judged by his religion?
Dating a Non-Christian: The Good
If you date an unbeliever, you might discover that some of these individuals have good manners, live a good life, possess great wisdom and have a good sense of humour.
They might not be able to quote a scripture, or say the names of God but they can be loving people and fun too.
Dating an Unbeliever: The Bad
This occurs if you decide to take your relationship to a whole new level. You want to step out of the friend zone. Be prepared to settle a lot of issues during this process. You need to know whether you are on the same page with your partner unless how can two people work together, if they don’t agree. This is the tricky part of the process and this where things might get out of hand.
This is where a couple would have to challenge their mindset. Question arise such as:
i. What do you believe about…everything? ii. What is the reasoning-believing process? iii. How do you form your views?
Now there other questions that arise in areas such as finances, entertainment. leisure. children etc
It is at this point that conflicts might occur. There might be conflict of belief system. One person thinks that Jesus exists and the other feels otherwise. One person has a way of worship and the other is irritated by it; one partner believes in spiritual authority the other believes in spiritual democracy.
Even though there might be a compromise from one partner, it doesn’t change the mindset.
Dating an Unbeliever: The Ugly
The biggest mistake occurs when partners with different belief systems especially a religious one, go on with the mindset that they can change each other.
They go on believing that all they need is patience; sooner or later their partner will turn a new leaf.
The goal itself is worthy. The problem is that people are not good in changing. You can never predict human behaviour; sometimes we think we know people enough, but only God knows the intention of man. It’s risky to delve into a relationship or marriage with that belief. Most people have had bad experiences trying to change the behaviour of their partners to conform to Christianity.
History shows us that humans find it difficult to embrace change. Jesus faced a lot of opposition trying to show his people the truth and even died in the process.
This is one reason why Paul instructed his people not to be unequally yoked. When you decide to make changing a person your project, you risk hurting yourself and your partner. You might be lucky to change your partner to your belief system, but you will suffer a lot of hardship in achieving this goal.
Paul chose the easiest solution when it comes to relationship, stick with one who believes in what you believe.
My Verdict The emphasis should not be about whether one should marry an unbeliever or not because even Christian couples who lack character and are not spiritually matured are prone to problems in relationships but rather, before there is a relationship or engagement, both parties should consider important factors.
Are you ready to work on the same page with your partner? What do think about dating or even marrying an unbeliever? Please share in the comment section.
About the author: Ikechi Awazie is a freelance writer, blogger and the creator of Be a Light to the World (www.awazieikechi.com) where he loudly declares that every man can make a difference in this world. You can follow him on Twitter. (www.twitter.com/ikechiawazie)You might also like:
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First, let me mention, this is a great observation! This is a problem that many Christians who already agree on their beliefs do not face, consider, or simply shutdown to. So, good on you for bringing this issue to our attention!
Amos 3:3 says, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” This is a very important starting point regardless of one’s personal spiritual beliefs. This is considered a universal truth. Two people who have differing views will eventually “go-to-blows” or part-company.
Another point to consider would be seriously asking yourself, “Why am I do drawn to this professed unbeliever?” A lot of our initial “love” feelings can (and are) often be mistaken as love when it may be more of a lust feeling we are operating from. Before we ever enter into a relationship with a person, we should: 1) know what our own personal beliefs and convictions are (critically thinking and searching our hearts for what we will and will not tolerate) and 2) get to know the same about the person that has drawn our attention/attraction.
All too often, many people rush in to relationships without asking any “real” questions about that person and who they are on the inside, meaning their values, beliefs, spiritual convictions, or their stance on abortions. [Things you may want to know before diving too deep!] Even worse, now days, more and more people put themselves in an awkward position by rushing in to the sexual portion of the “relationship” before any significant questions are asked. God admonishes this heavily, even to the point of a “reprobate mind” (v. 28) in extreme cases. (Romans 1:21-32)
Reprobate – adj. (as in reprobate mind¬) 3. morally depraved; unprincipled; bad. 4. Rejected by
God and beyond hope of salvation. Reference: Dictionary.com
As you mentioned, 2 Corinthians 6:14 states, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?” Instead of following with 1 Corinthians 15:33, I will stick with 2 Corinthians 6 but look at verses 16-18, “[16]And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? For ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. [17]Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you. [18]And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.”
We still have idols today as Israel had back then, they’ve just been modernized. We still have false gods/idols in the religious aspect, Hinduism, Islam, Scientology, Buddhism, and etcetera. We also have things like television, football, cell phones, Facebook, cars, or even our pets. Anything we put above, or are more devoted to than God, then becomes an idol or idol worship in our actions toward that item.
So, to close up the 2 Corinthians reference, yes, we should judge a person’s personality by his/her religion. Whether it be a recognized religion, or religious worship of something else, like “game day”. 2 Corinthians 6:17 calls us to, “…come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.” If Christ calling you out, to be separate from something, so that He “will” receive you isn’t a strong enough reason to fully examine the unbeliever you are or desire to be in a relationship with….what is strong enough?
One of the major “hang-ups” in this area is that people do not like to be faced with God’s truth. When they are, they usually do not like it, and try to justify their actions winding up having “…changed the truth of God into a lie,…”. (Romans 1:25) In so doing we also end up having “…changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image…” that fits their lifestyle better. (Romans 1:23) Why do we attempt to justify our actions? Because of the “…uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts,…”. (Romans 1:24) Even homosexuality is born from the burning of our lust and God having to give us up unto our own vile affections, “…for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly…”. (Romans 1:26,27)
The final “hang-up” people have (this ties in to why they reject God’s truth), is that they do not like to be “judged”! Even by our own corrupt societal standards, where just about anything goes already! You constantly hear the phrase, “Don’t judge me!”
If we have any wisdom at all, we have to “judge” someone if we are pursuing a relationship with them. We have to determine who they are, what they believe, on surface and deep levels. Problem is, most people mistake discernment for judgment. Those who run from the perceived “judgment” often have a façade they present to everyone. It is usually very thin and doesn’t hold up to much scrutiny or inquiry. It crumbles like a paper house in a rain storm. But are we actually judging that person? Are we sentencing them to something by getting to know them, or trying to find out what they believe? No! We are merely discerning who we are dealing with. Are you a serial killer or a decent person? Do you hold the same belief system as me, or not? God tells us we are to be discerning so that His children do not fall victim to all manner of falseness or false prophets. (Matthew 7:15)
1 Corinthians 12:10 mentions that discerning of spirits is actually one of the many gifts from God. People love to throw around Matthew 7:1, “Judge not, that ye be not judged.” However, if they would read a little further to Matthew 7:6 they would read, “Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.” If they have any brains, they will realize this is not actually talking about giving pearls to pigs. Rather, it is talking about who you are giving Godly wisdom to. How do you know if the person you are giving your Godly wisdom to is “swine” or not? There has to be some way of discerning or determining what type of person you are dealing with.
The answer is down just a little further in Matthew 7:16-20. This talks about knowing what type of tree you are dealing with by looking at the fruit it produces. Good people will be discernable by the good or righteous actions they produce. Same goes for the corrupt people, their actions will reveal who they really are on the inside. If we are the tree, and our actions are our fruit, then we are known on the inside by discerning the outside. Jesus Himself said, “[20]And he said, That which cometh out of the man, that defileth the man. [21]For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders,”. (Mark 7:20-21)
Best practice would be to not enter into a relationship with anyone until you know who they are inside. Do not let lust be the cause of a rushed decision. Remember in all things to take the time to seriously pray for guidance. God may not answer your prayer the way you “want” Him to, but He will answer the prayer in the best way for you!
With unbelievers, fornicators, homosexuals, idolaters, or whomever we may come across as Christians, we are to spread the word of Jesus Christ. Do not hate the person! Treat them with respect, kindness, and dignity. If it is revealed to you that the individual is just set in their own way and refuses to believe the full truth of God, then respectfully disassociate with them so that you are not pulled into the same unrighteousness they are dwelling in. This is where I would tie in the 1 Corinthians 15:33 reference. There is a time to let go, even for God.
I hope this helps as many people as possible on this issue and thank the author for bringing this topic up for discussion.
As always, may God continue to bless you and the grace of Jesus Christ fulfill you as you seek His truth, presence, and edification.
†ChristianTOOL
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