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When you love your husband or wife, you wouldn’t want to see them overburdened or depleted just to keep your lives going. Instead, you want to make sure that each of you is carrying a fair share of the workload that your life together presents.

There are homes where both partners contribute financially and yet the wife is completely responsible for cooking and housekeeping while the husband puts his feet up and plays on Twitter or watches a movie. Some dads won’t even give the children a bath, dress them or feed them. There are homes where the husband is struggling as the sole breadwinner and the wife enjoys leisure all day, and will not lift a finger to contribute financially even when she can get a job or start a business and support their lifestyle.

Even worse, some partners relegate their partners to the roles of provider, cook, cleaner, child bearer, nanny, etc. without putting any genuine effort into making sure they are emotionally and sexually satisfied as individuals.

These things should not be. If you have a partner who feels overstrained, used or abused, you need to tell yourself the truth.

At a time and in a society when working and earning money was primarily a man’s duty, the Apostle Paul said that a man who refused to provide for his family was worse than an infidel and had denied the faith. What is the spirit of what he was saying? See to the welfare and well-being of your wife and children, simple. The Apostle was saying a man who refuses to do what he ought to do is wrong.

Today, both men and women work at the office, so what constitutes the welfare and well-being of the wife and children has also evolved. Chances are if the Apostle Paul could write today he would say the same thing to a man who enjoys the income his wife’s business or job makes possible, but will not do his fair share of the work in the home and marriage; he is worse than an infidel and has denied the faith.

Some people may say “Oh I’m at work all day trying to earn money for the family and he/she just stays at home with the kids!”

If you actually took time off work and tried to “just” stay home with the kids all day, especially small kids, you would realise that it’s just as physically and emotionally draining than your day at the office, sometimes even more so. If you’re honest you’ll realise that if he or she weren’t there to make sure the kids are properly raised you wouldn’t be free to do all the ladder-climbing and money-making that you’re doing. You need to acknowledge this and conduct yourself with that knowledge.

One of the good things about being married to someone who wants to stay together as much as you do is that each partner pulls their weight, and there’s incredible opportunity for growth and progress when the two are fully on board.

Not sure your partner would be willing to do their share? It may be time to frankly assess the marriage and know where you stand. If you’re going to be the only one struggling to make your life together work, it shouldn’t be something that’s “happening” to you, as though you were a victim. Is there a reason for this that is temporary? Is this a short-term sacrifice towards a family goal?

Perpetually getting the short end of the stick is not okay. In marriage, it’s important to be fair. Sit together and come up with an arrangement that works for both parties, not just for one person. Running your lives as a couple requires equal time and effort. Don’t make a slave of your partner, and don’t let yourself be turned into a slave either.

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This article was first published on 8th November 2016


Joy Ehonwa is an editor and a writer who is passionate about relationships and personal development. She runs Pinpoint Creatives, a proofreading, editing, transcription and ghostwriting service. Email: pinpointcreatives [at]

Comments (1)

One thought on “Is What You’re Doing Marriage or Slavery?”

  • I support her (my wife) with the chores and implore all men to do same. She will look younger and healthier. Even if she doesn’t admit it, people will look at her and give you a thumbs-up.

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