When it comes to trusting others about decisions that affect one’s life, a lot of people take great caution to ensure that they have a reliable person to put that trust in. However, trusting oneself requires just as much caution, if not more. To trust yourself, you have to believe in yourself and possess a lot of faith. In order to succeed at anything in life, one needs to believe and keep going.
Man, as we all know, is a social animal, every one of us wants to feel loved and appreciated, we all want to feel special, this is a natural human need engraved deeply in his subconscious mind. It is a need that accounts for the various social relationship human beings have. From seeking his mother’s attention, to being accepted in school, having friends at work, to wanting a girlfriend or lover, it is obvious that this basic need of human beings is existent right from the beginning of life till old age. We all want to have someone that makes as feel good about ourselves.
This brings us to the issue of personal relationships, love and the necessity of commitment and loyalty. The feeling of loving someone and being loved in return usually clouds clear judge merit. When emotions are involved, accurate reasoning flees. Being a normal human being, you would not see anything wrong with someone you love and even if you do see the faults, feelings and emotions tell you to look away. What happens one day when you realize that you cannot cope with the faults and flaws of these loved ones? How do you live a normal life without them? How do you love and trust yourself enough to let go? These questions seem tough and difficult, but in actual sense, the answers are very simple. All you need to do is to take certain steps that will ease your journey into believing and trusting yourself. These steps are:
- Know what you want: If you have ever sat down and asked yourself what do I really want in life? Then you will know that this is not a simple question to answer. It entails more than asking yourself if you want to eat bread and butter or bread and egg. It involves asking yourself deep and thought-provoking questions about your life. It means asking yourself relevant and important questions that will move you forward. When you are in a relationship, you need to ask yourself questions about the present and the future even if you decide to forget the past. Cast all emotions aside and ask yourself questions like “will this person I claim to love stand by me when am sick and helpless?” “Will this person manage with me if I go broke and penniless?” “Is this person fit to be the mother further of my children?” Questions like this will help you ponder and think about what you want. If you realize you get a no from all important questions you ask yourself, I would advise you to quit a useless relationship for your own good.
- Talk, talk and talk: The second step in trusting yourself enough to let go, is trusting yourself that you have tried enough. It is an open secret that for any relationship to work well there must be effective communication and understanding. It is not fair to just dump someone because they don’t meet your criteria. You have to talk with them first, try and see if you can reach a compromise. Talk to the ones you love about your dreams, your aspiration and your expectations. After all, if you do not open up, how can anyone see what is in your mind? Is this not the main reason why guys go the extra length just to ‘toast’ ladies? In this step, you have to talk and discuss a lot about what you both want. If you have identical goals, then you try your best to make it work, however if the differences are too wide, I suggest you nip it in the bud, which takes us to the most difficult step in the entire process.
- Make a decision and stand by it: In order to do this, one has to possess a considerable amount of determination and discipline. This is easier said than done. However, considering the future, we realize we need discipline. A salary earner needs the discipline to ensure that a monthly salary is enough for him to spend within that month without having to borrow or beg. Even our mothers exercise discipline in the kitchen to ensure that the salt in the soup is not too much. When you reach a decision, the most important thing is to adhere to it. A Yoruba adage tells us not to go back and say good evening after bidding someone good night. Whatever decision you make, ensure that you adhere to it so that it can work.
- Accept yourself for who you are: This stage is the stage where you accept yourself with all your faults and your flaws even if you intend to improve on them. We all need to accept ourselves for who we are, because if you do not accept yourself, how do you expect others to accept you? This is the part where you look at yourself in the mirror and say ‘I like myself the way I am because this is how God created me’, it is only after this acceptance and submission can you feel love and trust for yourself. It is in this stage that you feel the trust within yourself and believe again in your potentials.
- Invite the Almighty: It is written in the Holy Book that in the remembrance of God do hearts find rest. After taking most of the steps involved in believing in yourself, you still have to take a major step in believing in God the Almighty. You have to accept and allow him to guide your way. Prayer encourages you to start again and believe that you are being guided. Wale Adenuga quotes that ‘we are nothing but pencils in the hands of the creator’. So, invite the Creator into life’s issues and see them solved in no time.
- Forgive and smile: The last step you need to take to move forward is to forgive and smile. The latter seems so easy to do while the former usually proves difficult. Forgiveness should be done in two ways, forgiveness of oneself and forgiveness of the erring party. Once you forgive yourself for all your shortcomings, it becomes easier to forgive others as well. This last step will take the weight off your mind and free positive energy needed for other things. I hear you ask what other things? Other things like smiling and laughing. We all need to smile every day, trust does not happen with frowning and wicked faces, it happens with smiling and loving ones. You need to smile to yourself and say ‘I can do this, I trust myself’.
Above all, we all need to believe that if a relationship does not work, it is nothing to be ashamed of. Love, feelings or emotions are important to psychological health, but it is not a do or die affair. The best is yet to come.
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This article was first published on 9th April 2016
jelifat
Opoola Jelifat is a young and passionate writer. She holds a B.Sc degree in Microbiology and enjoys reading, cooking and writing on real life issues. She is currently pursuing a Masters degree at the University of Ibadan. Contact her on opoolajelifat@gmail.com, and via Twitter and facebook by clicking the icons below.
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