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He must be handsome, charming, smart, financially stable, caring, loving, fun-loving (whatever that means), funny, intelligent and of course “God fearing”. She must be beautiful, homely (just what is that anyway), smart, intelligent, friendly, a great cook (believe me a ‘good’ cook will do these days), loving, appreciative, sexy and of course “God fearing”. Just how many times have you heard those words from your friends, people in general and ooops ‘yourself’? Now how many of you actually have these lists written in your head? And how many have it written in a fine big notebook hidden at the bottom of your treasure chest? And for those who have written them on their phones/laptops protected by almighty password *sigh*. Of course everyone is expected to have preferences when it comes to the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with, but how far are you willing to take these gigantic lists, and is there even room for a compromise of some sort?. How tragic it would be to have a dream of our significant other in our hearts but still end up alone and lonely. I think most of the time we create an unrealistic image in our hearts and when we meet someone, the first thing we do is evaluate them in the “light of our list”, rather than in the “light of God’s word”, and then we decide they do not make “The List”. The irony of this list is the fact that, those who become so rigid with them do not even possess half of the qualities listed in them. Believe me I am not insinuating that you should settle for less or just about any Tom, Dick and Harry that comes your way, but rather to actually take the time to really know someone personally rather than judge them because they do not fit our unconquerable “LIST”. I think rather than spending years waiting for our idea of a perfect man/woman who is yet to show up and may never come, we should focus on the here and now. Go on a date (after all, you have nothing whatsoever to lose because you’d probably still spend the weekend alone watching reruns of ‘Being Mary Jane” or replayed football highlights), you just might be shocked who is really behind that “I don’t like him/her” person. Go out, make friends, build relationships and connections with people and stop allowing ‘The List” take absolute control of your life. Despite the importance of getting to know someone for who they are, do not ever settle for any thing or attitude you cannot live with for the rest of your life, because people really never change; they just improve with time and circumstances and one interesting thing I have come to learn from my wealth of mentors is that “marriage has a way of actually amplifying who a person really is”. But in all these things, seek the wisdom of God because it supersedes all knowledge of man. And He is the one who founded the institution of marriage.         About the Writer: Eniola Adeniji is a woman after God’s own heart, a motivational Writer, Speaker, Fashion and Photography addict. She is also a Business Developer, Social Media Manager and the founder of Woman Of Value. She blogs at

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This article was first published on 5th August 2015

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