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“It is not good to have zeal without knowledge” – Proverbs 19:2 I came across this Bible verse recently and it got me thinking about relationships and marriages in particular. So many ladies have jumped into relationships – or even worse, marriages – without knowing all there is to know about the man in question, or even his family and culture. Some tribes insist that wives must be circumcised after marrying into their families. Some also demand that a wife must sleep with her husband’s corpse, or drink his bath water to prove her innocence of his death. Women in such situations are left helpless because they didn’t know these things before saying the words “I do”. These rites are examples of the surprises many couples get hit hard in life with. I don’t want to face such a terrible situation in life! Yes, having fun with you as my man is awesome, but if we plan on spending the rest of our lives together, you and I must make out time for some serious talk too, with these topics taking centre-stage:   1. Personal and family vision: We need to discuss what we want out of life, and most importantly, how we intend to get them, so we can decide if we are compatible. In my opinion, there’s no point hopping on your train when I don’t know its final destination because it might be in the opposite direction of my desired point. Our life plans deserve to become reality, and it would be horrible if we stood in each other’s way. 2. Views on the role of women: A guy once laughed at my aspirations of working as a married woman. “What would your husband eat?” he asked. Many men feel that way and they are entitled to their opinions, but it’s important that you and I are on the same page in this area and others. What are your thoughts on women taking financial responsibilities? To what extent should a man participate in household chores? 3. Family and its history: Yes, things are starting to sound a bit technical, but with good reason. Now, no one’s expecting a detailed report on everyone in your family, along with past ailments and more – some might not mind, though – but do share important facts about your family that I should know. It’s better for me to be prepared for what to expect, or for me to walk away because I can’t handle it, than to have an angry wife with feelings of betrayal later in life. 4. Culture: What would your culture and traditions demand from us as a couple, and from me as a wife? This and other related questions would help me understand the culture I’m to get accustomed to. Let’s not forget that I will be the mother of children who would automatically adopt this culture too. 5. Spending habits: There are two major things that can split up a marriage, and the first usually involves money matters. We need to know each other’s financial priorities and saving culture. If it turns out that one of us is a lot more liberal with money than what’s portrayed now, we might have a problem later on. This would hurt more if we end up sharing an account like some married couples – because A would always feel cheated by B.   What are the important things that you would want to discuss with your future spouse before saying ” I do”? Please share them in the comments section below.     About the Writer: Ify Halim is a young Creative and promoter of values through the force that is writing. Follow her on twitter @MissHalim.
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This article was first published on 4th May 2015

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