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Over the weekend, I was discussing with a group of Christian wives about the chief goal of “wifehood” and “husbandhood” and we worked our way through to the conclusion that the main role and duty of a spouse is to help the other achieve their purpose, and that how each couple interprets this is up to them. For us as Christians, our ultimate goal is to please God and spend eternity with Him, so each spouse’s number one duty is to help the other achieve that.

Beyond number one, there are several number twos, threes, and fours that vary from couple to couple even as they keep their main thing the main thing — which is the main thing, of course.

I once wrote about how unity of vision is what keeps a couple going despite the stress of earning a living and raising children. Although many interpret vision to be some great lofty ambition, the reality is that even the desire to live a quiet life, or to raise outstanding children, is a vision. The bottom line is that, for a marriage to be successful, vision must be shared. It’s a mistake to get caught up in what a vision is or is not and miss the actual point.

As a couple, one thing you must always keep not at the back of your minds but before your very eyes is the reason you got married. You must never lose sight of why you’re together. You must prioritise each other, and value your union.

Do you really think that happily ever after is for you if you turn your spouse into a mere ATM, cook, housekeeper or child bearer?  The couples that experience lasting passion and joy are those who remember the vows, promises and declarations they once made to each other. They regularly call to mind the love and passion they shared in the early days, and are constantly seeking to return to, reignite and preserve their first love.

If you will have a marriage that goes beyond doling out money, washing boxers, and pounding yam, you must maintain your passion for each other and for your union. This isn’t about sex (I’m a huge fan of having plenty in marriage, though!) but about seeing the PERSON you chose, and choosing them over and over. It’s about remembering why you decided to marry them and magnifying that.

Seize every opportunity to see what you first saw in them. If the opportunities don’t appear, create them. Keep them at the top of your list, encourage the amazing qualities they have, and help them go from good to great.


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This article was first published on 18th October 2016


Joy Ehonwa is an editor and a writer who is passionate about relationships and personal development. She runs Pinpoint Creatives, a proofreading, editing, transcription and ghostwriting service. Email: pinpointcreatives [at]

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