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Don’t be fooled; there is nothing in the feminine nature to suggest that she is less prone to temptation than you are. A partner whose needs are not being met or who has been starved of affection and attention is vulnerable, male or female. Of course, we all have self-control; the point is, not only husbands can be pushed into straying. That narrative hasn’t helped anybody.

There are so many men out there just waiting for an opportunity to give your woman all she’s missing, but you need her to have eyes for only you, the king of her heart.

If you’ve noticed that your wife no longer really cares or cannot even be bothered to fight with you, you need to sit up; the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.

Here are 6 things you can do to turn her heart back to you and keep it locked on you alone:

1. Speak her love language: What makes your woman feel loved? Have you really been loving on her, or you’ve been speaking Hausa when it’s Efik she understands? Make no mistake, you wife knows exactly how she wants and needs to be loved, so you need to pick up on those cues and really lay it on thick. If she feels loved when you spend time with her, make the time for cuddling and movies and gist. If she loves gifts, surprise her with thoughtful ones (expensive ones are amazing too but this isn’t necessarily about money). If she wants to hear the words, tell her how much you love her, how gorgeous she is, how much you appreciate her resilience and resourcefulness. Listen, if you don’t do your work there are guys at the office and on Twitter waiting to do it for you. Give her what she eats.

Have you really been loving on her, or you’ve been speaking Hausa when it’s Efik she understands?

2. Don’t let yourself go: Take care of your body. You know how she likes you to dress, how she likes your hair and beard styled, and how she likes you to smell. You did these things for her in the beginning, so why slow down now? Why bring your sweaty body to bed without a bath? Why neglect to shave your underarms now when you used to do it all the time back then, especially whenever she was coming over? What’s with the pot belly all of a sudden when you used to exercise and eat right? Give her something to look forward to as you (both) leave home in the morning. Keep yourself up. 3. Stimulate her mind: Apart from your looks, chances are one of the things she really liked about you was your ability to hold a conversation. Keep things lively and always have interesting things to talk about. Read books, pay attention to the news, and keep learning. When you notice she’s getting bored, change your subject. Include dramatic gestures, make her laugh. Very importantly, listen to her. This way you always know what has her interest and you’ll be the one she’s always wanting to talk to. 4. Come home with a smile: This is especially important if she’s been home with the kids all day. Don’t bring the baggage of your long, trying day to weigh her down. Take some time on your way home to reset, so that you bring positive energy into the home as you step in. You’re not the only one who’s had a hard day; she has, too. 5. Tone down your temper: There’s nothing as irritating as a man who is always flaring up and shouting. Mutual respect between husband and wife should always be preserved, and barking at her is disrespectful. Practice taking breaks and discussing issues when you are calm. Never put her down for any reason. Real strength is in being self-controlled and honourable. That “Lion of the Tribe of My House” thing you do is so not sexy.

None of that “where did you learn that?” please, your insecurity is not attractive.

6. Spice it up: Never let your sex life get boring. As a matter of fact, you should turn that Crock-Pot on in the morning and keep it simmering on low heat until evening. Send her texts from the office telling her how much you miss her, the ways you love her body, how you can’t wait to see her again, and what you’re going to do. If that’s a stretch, simply put her pleasure before yours; slow down, try new positions, and spend time seducing her instead of jumping into bed and groping her. Keep finding new (and naughty!) ways to express yourself sexually and keep her satisfied. Give her room to do same (none of that “where did you learn that?” please, your insecurity is not attractive) and let her know all the things she’s doing right. When you take care of your wife, you take care of yourself. When you don’t, even God is not happy with you and your prayers are hindered (that’s right, it’s not me you’re doing – 1 Peter 3:7). Try these tips and watch your marriage – and your life- blossom.

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This article was first published on 1st November 2016


Joy Ehonwa is an editor and a writer who is passionate about relationships and personal development. She runs Pinpoint Creatives, a proofreading, editing, transcription and ghostwriting service. Email: pinpointcreatives [at]

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