Parenting is hard. Since I became a parent, my appreciation for my own parents has gone through the roof.
- Shielding them from failure: We tend to see failure as a bad thing, but it is often the first step to success, and learning how to handle it is a skill best learned at a young age. If parents cushioned every blow, kids would never learn to grow. If a person isn’t failing regularly, chances are that they aren’t trying anything new and this is can be a sign that they’re lacking in courage; not the kind of child you’re looking to raise.
- Living vicariously through them: Yes, our children should be greater than us, but that doesn’t mean trying to make them do the things we failed to do. You wanted to be a doctor but you couldn’t make it, so your son should be a doctor, right? Wrong. They’re not here to make up for our own childhood failures: they are individuals with their own lives to live and our duty is to guide them in their own calling and purpose, not the ones we failed to achieve ourselves.
- Comparing them to ourselves: “At your age, I was already…” The same principle above applies. They are not you, or an extension of you.
- Over-prioritising their happiness: We want our children to be happy, and that’s natural, but overdoing it can be dangerous. Contrary to what modern society and fairy tales may say, “Happiness” is not the most important thing in the world. We should beware of actions that suggest that happiness is the ultimate goal and whatever as to be done to be happy is okay. You don’t have to say it in words; kids are very observant and perceptive.
- Not doing what we say: Living inconsistent lives is one of the worst things parents can do to their kids. The “do what I say, not what I do” attitude has confused and damaged many a young mind. If you’re trying to instil values in them, they should be values that you espouse yourself. You don’t want them to be drunks but you come home drunk; you want them to practice abstinence but you recurrently expose the family to TV shows with heavy sexual content; you preach dental hygiene but you don’t brush twice a day as you ask them to… Let’s put our pride aside and be role models for our children.
What about you, fellow parents? What insights have you gained from parenting?
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