Parenting can be a rather tough job. It comes with no manual; no two kids are the same, and different methods of raising kids are touted here and there by people who think they know better, but don’t know your kid. Yet, despite all these, you want to do the best that you can. You want to give the best that you can, because you want your kid to become the best kid that he or she can be. Here are some scientifically tested and tried tips that could help:-
- Laugh: LOL! Joking always helps. Of course discipline is required, but how many times do Nigerian parents ever try to create a relaxed atmosphere for kids? According to research presented at the Economic and Social Research Councils’ Festival of Social Science 2011, when parents joke and pretend, it gives young kids the tools to think creatively, make friends and manage stress well. So go ahead, joke.
- Encourage Competition: Why not now? They are going to face it time after time in life anyway. Let your child out of their comfort zone so he or she can begin to experience the frustration and jealousy that comes with competition. Teach them how to channel these otherwise negative feelings into hard drive motivators. Competition teaches your child to be vocal, to be able to identify what they want. Many times parents make the mistake of coddling their children, expecting them to just pick up the oars from where they left off. Better now when you can console them.
- Ask and allow them to ask questions: There is no faster way to learn. Don’t shun them, no matter how inappropriate and embarrassing the questions sound. Think of them like a blank slate, a new board. Answer their questions as significantly as you can, without being sordid. Know that they are naturally curious, and would ask someone else if you do not answer them.
- Be positive: It’s only normal. Our parents shouted on us all the time, their grandparents shouted at them; we have to do it to our kids. We have to call them oloriburuku and oloshi or else they wouldn’t have sense. We have to beat them silly when they come back to us and say they were beaten up by a school bully, so that next time they wouldn’t just sit there and be looking like luku luku, they would beat them back. We have to pat them on the back when they’ve helped a mob burn a roadside thief with tires, because they have contributed their part to justice. See where I’m going with this?
- Share your work life: I know it can be stressful to do this, but making some little time out for your kids to see where you work would expose him/her to images of success. Let them see you engaged in meaningful activities. It puts a proud spin on ‘father’ or ‘mother’ when they talk about you in school.
- Provide a sensory rich environment: Have materials at home that would stimulate the senses and hence, the brain; videos of educative material that are also entertaining. Many still remember the song dance routine that taught them the difference between their hands and toes. Finger paints, and instruments in the shape of toys. Books with pictures. A mini dictionary. I will forever thank my mother for keeping those lying around the house.
- Listen to your child: Your child is unique. Your child is amazing. The way your child’s mind works…no one else should know better than you. Don’t just listen to his words, but watch him- watch what he does when he thinks no one is looking, watch how he responds to negative or positive external stimuli, watch and see what makes him excited, what makes him reticent, what makes him tick. That way, you can be a disciplinarian, and still be your child’s best friend.
- Keep your own passion for learning alive: That way your child will learn from your own example, to never stop learning. To always ask questions, and challenge stagnation. It would foster the ability to think up innovative ideas early.
- Discourage gender bias: “Obi! Come out of that kitchen! What are you doing there? Leave Nneoma to do the dishes jo” Or “Chioma! Is that you I saw playing FIFA 13? This girl will not kill me. What concerns you with football?” would force your children’s minds into a rigid mould. What if Obi was born to be a chef? What if Chioma would do our country proud by winning an Olympic medal? You don’t want to hinder their greatness, do you?
- Pray: You will not always be there. Your time with her will be limited; your time with him will be limited. In fact, the time they spend without you may be more than that which they spend with you. As good as you may be, you are not superman. Remember that you can only do so much, and commit them into the hands of the One who gave them to you. As they go far and farther in life, they will always have peace and rest of mind that whatever happens, somebody is praying for them back home.
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This article was first published on 26th May 2013
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