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Dear Joy Girl,

The question, “can a boy and a girl be just friends?” is one that many girls have asked, and still ask today.

The answer is yes, of course. A boy and a girl can be just friends. That’s what a platonic relationship is; a friendship between men and women into which the romantic/sexual element does not enter. As long as you create boundaries for yourself, you can enjoy wholesome, fun and lasting friendships with guys that will enrich your life and help you develop a more rounded out personality.

The snag is that feelings can change. For instance, right where you are, you have no idea that your bosom friend who has three male best friends will date one of them in a couple of years, and that they will end up getting married half a decade later. You cannot even imagine it because sincerely, they are just friends right now.

Guard your heart, young woman.

You may be absolutely sure that you’re not attracted to your friend and that you’ll never date him, but be that as it may, you still need to be careful. The famous OB/GYN, Dr. Marion Hilliard, once cautioned, “An easy companionship travelling at about ten miles an hour can shift without warning to a blinding passion going a hundred miles an hour.” And before you know it you’re making out, having sex and worrying about your period being late because neither of you had protection — who needs protection when you’re spending time with someone who’s always been in the friend zone?

That’s the way life is; you can never tell when passion will surprise you, or when genuine, lasting love will sneak up on you for that matter. That’s how people marry their friends, you know. Besides, you can only claim to be sure about your own feelings (even then, the heart can be very deceptive and you may not even recognise your true feelings). You can’t really say for certain how your friend actually feels about you.

You must remember that feelings grow. For a long time you’re the person he confides in about his girlfriends, the one he can always seek advice from about his relationship issues. Then one day it suddenly hits him; what a fool he has been not to see what was right in front of him! And now you’re all he thinks about and the only one he wants. Bestselling love songs have been written about this because it happens.

Guard your heart, Joy. Sex with a friend happens more often than you think, especially if you’re spending a lot of time with said friend. It complicates things, and not many friendships survive it especially when you’re both teenagers.

Yes, a boy and a girl can be just friends, as long as you’re both truthful with each other. If things start getting out of hand and one or both of you needs space, a break is totally all right. What, you think it’s not that serious? You don’t know the half, girl. You don’t know the half.

Guard your heart.



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This article was first published on 16th September 2016


Joy Ehonwa is an editor and a writer who is passionate about relationships and personal development. She runs Pinpoint Creatives, a proofreading, editing, transcription and ghostwriting service. Email: pinpointcreatives [at]

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