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Dear Joy Girl,

You already have a healthy consciousness of your sexuality, and from where I’m sitting now, I can appreciate how much of a good thing this is. You, however, are struggling. Do I really have to abstain? Isn’t there a way around it? What if we don’t go all the way? Can I really wait until I’m married? Will it even be worth it?

Sex in your teens is the one thing that can get in the way of “you” like nothing else can. Sex itself is a wonderful, beautiful thing. In the right context, you will find your vibrant sexuality to be a great blessing. It’s worth waiting for, believe me. I know it looks like everyone is doing it, but you must not give in to pressure. It’s very difficult when you are in a relationship with someone you’re attracted to (which is why I would rather you didn’t date). When two people are in love and/or attracted to each other, wanting to be as physically close to them as possible is natural. You want him to hold you and touch you and kiss you and while you may not particularly want to have sex — you may just want him to “play with you”— that’s where all the smooching usually ends up.

First, you must recognise the very direct and fundamental connection between sex and pregnancy. Sex leads to pregnancy. I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m stating the obvious, but if you look around you, you will find that movies, songs, novels and TV shows all portray sex, or “lovemaking” as an act that is meant for pleasure which unfortunately “happens” to get people pregnant as well. Our world sees pregnancy as a kind of “side effect” instead of a natural outcome of sexual intercourse.

I know you can see where I’m going with this. If you’re not intending to get pregnant, what business do you have making love with a guy? It becomes startlingly clear when you look at it this way, doesn’t it, darling?

Sexually transmitted diseases, including the dreaded HIV, are a subject for another day. The truth is you know deep down that you shouldn’t be sleeping with someone you’re not married to. You don’t really need me to tell you that. Still, let me remind you that only abstinence gives you 100% protection from unplanned pregnancy and STDs. Some young women choose to buy into the “safe-sex” theory, forgetting that birth control methods only work effectively when used perfectly, and even with perfect use they still don’t offer 100% protection!

Let me give you quick facts about the 3 most common birth control methods teenagers rely on, and their first year failure rates.

Withdrawal- Protects against unplanned pregnancy only

Perfect Use- 4% Typical Use-15-28%

The Pill- Protects against unplanned pregnancy only

Perfect Use- 4% Typical Use-15-28%

Condoms- Protect against unplanned pregnancy and STIs

Perfect Use- 2% Typical Use- 10-18%

By the way, the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) which is the most common viral STD and the cause of more than 90% of all cervical cancer can be contracted without penetration. You can get it from oral sex, anal sex and any genital skin-to-skin contact (yep, like humping), and because it can infect areas that are not covered by a condom, condoms will not fully protect you against contracting it.

So you see, “safe-sex” is actually little more than a sorry game of Russian Roulette.

You’re a Christian and you love God with all your heart. This means that for you, when it comes to sex outside marriage, no matter how great and “safe” you both manage to make the sex, you will be having unpleasant feelings for dessert and that really, really, ruins the whole show.

Be truly safe; wait. You think you’re doing this for your husband, but you should know that it’s more about you and God than anyone else.




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This article was first published on 9th September 2016 and updated on September 24th, 2016 at 10:32 am


Joy Ehonwa is an editor and a writer who is passionate about relationships and personal development. She runs Pinpoint Creatives, a proofreading, editing, transcription and ghostwriting service. Email: pinpointcreatives [at]

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