Some people get nuts over everything you can think of. They have anger issues. Something small goes wrong and the harp about it for a ‘decade’ and it’s so stressful for us if we are in some kind of relationship with these people.
And maybe you are the person with the issues. Everyone around you is always wrong and you are always right. You get into fits that tear at your loved ones so badly. It may be that people tick you off so quickly because they lied to you in the past or let you down terribly.
Here’s how to deal with always getting mad about stuff before it leaves you a very lonely person.
- Make A ‘Tick-Off’ List. Yes, get out a sheet of paper and write the things that get you so upset with this man or woman you are with. Be very concise about your list. Include ‘minor and ‘major’ stuff that have happened in the past that got you really mad.
- Create a Response Plan. Now that you have listed your ‘tick-off’ points, you must now take ownership of them. How do you want to respond to each irritating occurrence the next time it happens? Maybe you can start by not blowing your top and swearing at your spouse. You don’t have to be controlled by external stimuli. In fact, you shouldn’t because that’s what animals do and you aren’t one. You can be proactive about how you want to respond. Trust me, this will be difficult at first but you’ll come through.
Anger problems are based on fear; the fear of losing control, composure, money, love, trust or whatever it is. The truth is, angry people are first fearful. Get rid of fear and the anger will vanish. One way to do this is to check the outcomes you were afraid would happen with what really happened.
For example, let’s say you are afraid your spouse might cheat on you and for that reason you go paranoid each time you see him or her talking to some attractive person of the opposite sex; you even accuse your spouse of cheating or you get physical with the person your partner is talking to. You can change that by taking ownership of your behaviour by doing 1 and 2.
Another very common problem is domestic violence. This is rooted in the fear of being accountable, very prevalent among men. A lot of men – often being the physically stronger – resort to violence when put under the pressure of being accountable. Confrontational questions like ‘Why did you spend this money?’ or, ‘Who is she?’ have set more fires in homes than any other. Many men simply jettisoned being accountable because of the fatherly examples they got, which must change. To fix this, taking ownership of your response should lead you to 1 and 2.
Hitting a woman for ‘nagging’ is just an excuse. And I trust that once you deal with the fear of being held to account for certain actions of yours, there will be remarkable changes at home.
Have a wonderful 2016.
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This article was first published on 28th December 2015
nehijesu
Nehikhare Omotayo Igbinijesu is an Economist, Poet, and Social Entrepreneur. 'He is the author of The Code: A Simple Story About Raising Great Women' and 'Marriage: 12 Questions You Need To Ask Before You Say, “I Do”'. He lives in Lagos with his wife, Akudo and two sons. He is Co-founder of Stuffsilos.com, a motivational resources company based in Lagos. You can email him via nehijesu [at] yahoo.co.uk
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