She has said her piece
here, now I will say mine!
I agree with her and think the things she wants are achievable and reasonable but the truth is a lot of women have conditioned themselves to believe that most of the things men want in them is to be stylish and have perfect bodies. They believe men just want skinny women with huge boobs, flawless skin and a sexy pout which is why most will only concentrate and spend a fortune on how they look and what they wear. I agree that men are very big on physical attraction, but when it comes to loving a woman and planning to go on a life-long journey with same, most men I know try to look past the skin, boobs, curves and the designer shoes. That is what causes the divide; both sides are not sure what the other party wants.
I don’t want to paint with a really wide brush because what works for me might not work for a hundreds of men out there. So, I am just going to talk about 7 things that will make me go from just feeling casual about dating you to wanting and needing you on a deeper level.
So, here are 7 things I want in a woman:
1. Intense attraction
The truth is every man wants a woman he is intensely attracted to and good news is; attraction and passion could grow gradually. And for me being in a relationship with a woman where there is no passion and attraction is a big waste of time. Notice I didn’t say “beautiful” because being attractive to someone is largely different from being called “beautiful” at a glance by everyone in the room.
Don’t get me wrong, a lot of men out there only want trophy wives and arm candies; for me, a woman can spend hours doing her make-up, hair, pedicure etc., which of course are all appreciated, but count for nothing if they come bundled with an attitude, sense of entitlement, pride and so on. A lot of men I know will certainly choose personality/chemistry over glamorous looks any time because a good look with bad character is a turn off; I am one of those.
2. Supportive
Even the strongest of men want a soft place to fall from time to time. A woman who constantly believes women are the weaker vessels and men are always the strong ones and should be the one to do everything is a “no” for me. I want to see a woman that has the ability to really listen, offer support and advice, and stand by me in my life choices whether it is changing jobs or moving to a new city. The ability to listen to what a man has to say and support him will most times ensure the man is more likely to reciprocate.
3. Intelligence
Except the man you are dating is a chauvinistic 15
th century man, acting like a bimbo loses its novelty after some time. A real man wants a woman who can stand as his equal intelligently. He wants mental stimulation and wit. Most times, it would be two of us together in a room, in a car etc., (at least before we get married and children start coming) so how do we have decent and stimulating conversation if looking good is the only thing my woman can contribute? So for me, you need to be the smart, savvy woman and I am turned on totally.
4. Ambitious
Some women have the unrealistic expectation that the man will do all the work and make all the money, while the woman simply needs to be the obedient one, look beautiful, stay classy, ‘produce’ kids, and take care of them. While I agree that some guys may feel intimidated when their girl is a major career woman and makes more money than they ever will, most men I know don’t want a girl who’s essentially been sitting on her hands waiting for a guy to come along and make her financially stable. Truth is, relationship is a form of partnership, so a guy like me would want a woman who has tall dreams and aspirations and constantly works towards making them a reality.
5. Emotionally mature
How a woman handles her emotions is one of the most important things I look for when deciding whether or not to get serious with a woman. If my woman constantly lets her emotions get out of control; it’s a big red flag to me. I have often heard that women are more emotional than men, and while I would not want to argue against this, I would not want to live with a woman who acts like a damsel in distress every time there is an issue with me or with someone else. I want a woman who can share her feelings in an honest and authentic way so that we will both understand each other better and not the one who transforms into a drama queen on every single issue.
6. Ready to compromise
A lot of people might not agree with this, but it is important to me. Because once we are attracted to each other, someday, there will eventually be a situation that comes up where both of us will see something differently and misunderstand each other. Having the mindset that both of us can compromise would save the day. I will feel better when I know that my woman is ready to negotiate and work hard to find a solution that will be acceptable for both of us. Genuine intimacy requires a willingness to be open and vulnerable sometimes.
7. Motherly instincts
The motherly instinct is a definite must for most guys. Taking care of a man and the kids in a family in the best possible way will never go out of fashion. So when I want to choose someone to have a family with, having motherly instincts will surely be a must.
About the Writer: Chris Bamidele is a passionate and unapologetic Nigerian, who believes in God and humanity. He is a writer, blogger, and an aspiring Television Director; and an optimist to the core. He blogs at www.chrisbamidele.wordpress.com and tweets @Chrisbamidele.
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This article was first published on 24th April 2015
chris-bamidele
Chris Bamidele is a passionate and unapologetic Nigerian, who believes in God and humanity. He is a writer, blogger, and an aspiring Television Director; and an optimist to the core. He blogs at www.chrisbamidele.wordpress.com and tweets @Chrisbamidele.
Comments (1)
2. Supportive
Even the strongest of men want a soft place to fall from time to time. A woman who constantly believes women are the weaker vessels and men are always the strong ones and should be the one to do everything is a “no” for me. I want to see a woman that has the ability to really listen, offer support and advice, and stand by me in my life choices whether it is changing jobs or moving to a new city. The ability to listen to what a man has to say and support him will most times ensure the man is more likely to reciprocate.
3. Intelligence
Except the man you are dating is a chauvinistic 15th century man, acting like a bimbo loses its novelty after some time. A real man wants a woman who can stand as his equal intelligently. He wants mental stimulation and wit. Most times, it would be two of us together in a room, in a car etc., (at least before we get married and children start coming) so how do we have decent and stimulating conversation if looking good is the only thing my woman can contribute? So for me, you need to be the smart, savvy woman and I am turned on totally.
4. Ambitious
Some women have the unrealistic expectation that the man will do all the work and make all the money, while the woman simply needs to be the obedient one, look beautiful, stay classy, ‘produce’ kids, and take care of them. While I agree that some guys may feel intimidated when their girl is a major career woman and makes more money than they ever will, most men I know don’t want a girl who’s essentially been sitting on her hands waiting for a guy to come along and make her financially stable. Truth is, relationship is a form of partnership, so a guy like me would want a woman who has tall dreams and aspirations and constantly works towards making them a reality.
5. Emotionally mature
How a woman handles her emotions is one of the most important things I look for when deciding whether or not to get serious with a woman. If my woman constantly lets her emotions get out of control; it’s a big red flag to me. I have often heard that women are more emotional than men, and while I would not want to argue against this, I would not want to live with a woman who acts like a damsel in distress every time there is an issue with me or with someone else. I want a woman who can share her feelings in an honest and authentic way so that we will both understand each other better and not the one who transforms into a drama queen on every single issue.
6. Ready to compromise
A lot of people might not agree with this, but it is important to me. Because once we are attracted to each other, someday, there will eventually be a situation that comes up where both of us will see something differently and misunderstand each other. Having the mindset that both of us can compromise would save the day. I will feel better when I know that my woman is ready to negotiate and work hard to find a solution that will be acceptable for both of us. Genuine intimacy requires a willingness to be open and vulnerable sometimes.
7. Motherly instincts
The motherly instinct is a definite must for most guys. Taking care of a man and the kids in a family in the best possible way will never go out of fashion. So when I want to choose someone to have a family with, having motherly instincts will surely be a must.
About the Writer: Chris Bamidele is a passionate and unapologetic Nigerian, who believes in God and humanity. He is a writer, blogger, and an aspiring Television Director; and an optimist to the core. He blogs at www.chrisbamidele.wordpress.com and tweets @Chrisbamidele.
this is lovely.