Every year on November 19, the world pauses to acknowledge International Men’s Day. It’s a day set aside to highlight the experiences of men and boys, celebrate their contributions, and draw attention to the issues that shape their lives.
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But here in Nigeria, the truth is that the deeper realities of men’s journeys often stay hidden. If you look closely, behind the casual greetings and the everyday hustle, you will notice a quiet truth many men don’t voice. A lot of Nigerian men are struggling in silence.
From the outside, we tend to describe men with words like strong, confident, resilient, and dependable. Society expects them to lead, provide, protect, and stay unshaken no matter what life throws at them. But beneath these expectations are emotional, financial, and psychological struggles that rarely get attention in public conversations.
While women’s issues have (rightly so) received more visibility and support, men’s challenges are often dismissed or mocked. This silence has created a situation where many men feel pressure they cannot explain and carry burdens they do not know how to share.
The Struggles…
One major struggle I have come to observe, and which many have also shared, is the cultural demand for men to “be strong.” From childhood, boys are warned not to cry, not to show weakness, not to be vulnerable. As they grow, this becomes emotional silence. A man may be battling anxiety, stress, or depression, yet he feels he has no permission to say it out loud. He is often told to “Man up.”
And as we have seen over the year, this emotional suppression has consequences. Across Nigeria, you’ll hear more stories of depression, loneliness, substance dependence, and even suicide among men. It is not that these men don’t feel these emotions, but because society teaches men that their struggles are simply “part of being a man,” so many would rather endure in silence than seek help.
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Shall we begin to talk about the financial pressure of being a man, especially in a country like Nigeria? In an economy where prices rise faster than garri, the expectation for a man to be the breadwinner remains unchanged. In our part of the world, a man is often measured by his financial capacity, whether he earns enough or not. For young men, especially those who are unemployed, underemployed, or still trying to find their footing, this pressure can easily turn into shame, anxiety, or a quiet sense of failure. No wonder we have so many young men dabbling in yahoo yahoo and other fraudulent endeavours.
In families, workplaces, and social circles, men face the expectation to stay unbreakable. A man is expected to protect everyone around him, even when he is the one needing protection. He is expected to fix every problem, even when he has none of the answers. He is expected to show leadership, even when he feels lost. These expectations create an invisible weight that few men ever talk about.
Then there are societal stereotypes. A mistake by one man is often used to define all men. Public discourse often paints men with broad, negative brushes, leaving little or no room for nuance or empathy. This makes it even harder for men to ask for help or admit they are struggling. Of course, no one wants to seem weak, no one wants to be mocked or labelled as not being “man enough.”
How about fatherhood? That one also comes with its own silent battles. The truth we often don’t talk about is that many Nigerian fathers want to be present and emotionally available, but financial pressures and work demands often get in the way. Some carry unspoken guilt about relationships or family decisions they wish they had handled better. Others are quietly dealing with wounds from their own childhood, wounds they don’t know how to heal.
Concluding Thoughts
All these silent realities point to one truth. Just as much as anyone else, men need support too. They need compassion. They need safe spaces where they can talk without fear of judgment. International Men’s Day isn’t about placing men above anyone else. It’s about acknowledging that men are human, with emotions and struggles that deserve attention
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So, as we mark yet another International Men’s Day today, may we learn to listen better. Check on the men in your life. Not only when they look strong, but especially when they grow quiet. Let’s build a society where men can speak without shame, seek help without fear, express emotion without ridicule, and live without the crushing pressure to be “Superman”.
Men carry a lot. Often too much.
It’s time we noticed.
It’s time we cared.
And it’s time we allowed them to speak, breathe, and heal.
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