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  The Nigerian politician is a lot of things and stereotyped is one of them. Part of being a stereotypical prototype is that people tend to associate certain things with you. In the case of the Nigerian politician, people tend to associate many things with that class of our society but I dare say speech is one of the most prominent ones. So, here are some of the most prominent phrases in a Nigerian politician’s dictionary. Each is significant for its uncanny tendency to mean and achieve nothing.
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  • Investigations are being/will be conducted: That is where the investigations will end. The speech. Literally. Interestingly, money may even be spent on that pretext.
  • A panel/committee will be set up: This is what they say when matters get a little bit more serious. It is the senior brother to “investigations” and this time money is actually spent to constitute and pay panel members for their time. The results? Non-existent. In fact, results were never the goal in the way you are thinking.
  • The perpetrators will be brought to book: Usually, there is no book but I know you know this already. Even if there was one, it will cost billions to buy. Do not get me started on the pen to actually bring… Never mind. This phrase must be in the speech otherwise something is wrong with your orientation as a politician. I mean what kind of a statesman are you sef?
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  • We are on top of the situation/matter: when you hear this, know that the situation is on top of them. You will see it even without reading this. Worse still, they may even be the “situation” they speak of. The way I hear it, that phrase should make the user sound powerful in control. This is the usual line used when an embarrassing L has been taken somewhere.
  • To aid the task of nation-building: They just say that. They do not know what it means, I assure you. The speech-writer uses it because. Just because. Funny enough, the phrase is usually present in speeches where the activity being commemorated is really about “sharing money”. Ironic, I know.
The past 14 days have only reminded us how “unusual” the people we call public servants are and it has served to inspire this piece. The views are very much mine and in no way represent that of this platform. That said, the typical stereotype of the political class is something we have always known needed change but now more than ever we have come to realize that the process cannot be over-emphasized. We may be witnessing the rise of a nation yet. Featured Image Source: Herald NG
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This article was first published on 25th October 2020

david-okwara

Some call me David. Others, Emerie. Others, (unfortunate fellows) Biggie. I like to think that I have sense and that is why I write too. Otherwise, I draw and paint and sing (in the bathroom) and love to make people laugh. I love to understand how things work and that’s why I love DIY videos and YouTube of course. Follow me on Twitter @EmerieOkwara

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