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No, it isn’t love, and it isn’t sex either. Love is wonderful, and lots of sex is good for your marriage, but unless you are a learner you know that the quality of your sex life depends on your relationship outside the bedroom. Many a naïve wife has asked, “Is it not what I have between my legs that she has?” Some others conclude that it has to be the acrobatics and sexual stunts the other woman pulls that keep him glued. They totally miss the point; it is not what he’s doing, but who he’s doing that matters. How does your husband perceive you? How do you make him feel? Yes, packaging matters, and that is one of the secrets mistresses know, but the biggest of them all is one seemingly little word: respect. More than anything else, your husband needs you to respect him. Being married, I know how hard it is to keep up respect for someone you’ve gotten used to, someone who poops and belches, someone who has made some decisions that didn’t turn out well for the family. You’ve seen him throw tantrums like a spoilt brat, give you the silent treatment or refuse to eat your food. You’ve even seen him afraid or intimidated. You know him better than anyone else. So, how can you be expected to respect him? Consider the faithful bathroom slippers you cannot do without. That pair of slippers sees your secret tears and acts, hears your private conversations, and beholds your nakedness each day, and yet you don’t take care of it much or value it. You don’t prize and polish it the way you do your precious designer shoes. You wear it to the toilet, bathroom, around the house, it’s always there with you and does for you what the others can’t and yet you don’t treat it as well as you do them. Don’t treat your husband this way. This is the fastest way to kill your marriage. No matter what else you do, if you do not respect your husband- honour and esteem him, in fact- your marriage is certainly doomed. Don’t lose respect for your husband. Respect him in private, and more so in the presence of others. Whenever this gets tough, try remembering the way you perceived him before the see finish, and if that’s still too hard, try looking at him through the eyes of others. You will see how intelligent, handsome, witty, compassionate and socially adept he is. Yes, you may never regain the initial awe – come on, you’ve smelled his farts – but you must actively show him respect. Always listen to him, don’t make the mistake of tuning out. Show him that he still means a lot to you. If you know the difference between showing respect and being a doormat, you can’t be worried about going overboard. You can never take too seriously a man you’re married to. Respect is the most important gift you can give him.   About the author: Joy Ehonwa is a writer, editor and online proofreader who is passionate about relationships and personal development. She runs Pinpoint Creatives, a copy-editing, ghostwriting and transcription business, and blogs at www.anafricandiva.wordpress.com and www.girlaware.wordpress.com
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This article was first published on 2nd November 2014 and updated on August 14th, 2015 at 11:19 am

jehonwa

Joy Ehonwa is an editor and a writer who is passionate about relationships and personal development. She runs Pinpoint Creatives, a proofreading, editing, transcription and ghostwriting service. Email: pinpointcreatives [at] yahoo.com

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