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Mother and Child. Photo Credit: Examiner

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it – Proverbs 22:6 The scripture above does not clearly state who should train the child. It just says train up ‘a’ child. So, who is the person best suited to train up a child? There are many trainers: neighbours, friends, strangers, media, teachers, schoolmates, and then there’s you. ‘You’ here means the parent or legal guardian of the child. Some children are orphaned or between divorced or separated parents. Or more commonly; products of an out of wedlock association and so cannot be with their birth parents. Maybe one lives with you right now. Who is the best person to train up that child? It is you, and here’s why: Mentoring is one of the easiest training methods: It is far easier for children to learn by example: In the movie, ‘Three Men and a Little Lady’ the child’s prospective step-father observed that she held her teacup in a very odd way, and it turned out she had picked it from one of the three ‘dads’ that lived in her house. As a matter of fact, there was great confusion over who she took after the most among the three men because she had picked mannerisms and traits from them all. Children who are quick to insult friends when playing picked it from the parents. Toddlers who have started school role-play irate teachers flogging naughty students with astonishing regularity. What this means is that children learn from watching people. If you want your children to have the best character, then exhibit it. Children, who do not say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, most times come from homes where these words are not given much relevance.

Love reaches beyond discipline: Many parents are afraid to discipline their children. If you truly love your child and show that love, then a bit of discipline where needed will not destroy the cherished love- bond you have with that child. Have you noticed how after parents discipline little children they still come back for a hug or to be carried? You are the child’s closest family and symbol of love. At that early age, the child is able to overcome the hurt and reach out to you. Many parents are afraid to discipline children because they don’t want to lose their love. That has already been covered in the child’s programming. Child/Parent love is different from all others. It is more than an attraction, it is an inborn program in most children, and even when absent (as with non-blood children) it grows with care and affection. The difference is clear: A child who is raised by his parents or a caring guardian shows far more confidence and empathy to others than one who is raised in a dog-eat-dog manner. Trust me; you do not want to raise brats. A general belief is that daughters are more loving than sons so it is good to have at least one daughter that will love you. But don’t forget that daughters are more cosseted than sons, and sons are thrown out of the nest early after rigorous ‘You are a man, act like one’ training from home. May parents do not give male sons the all-important care that will make them cherish them in their old age. The parents with a single male child, or with only sons, can testify to the fact that they were not forgotten by them when old and grey. The reason is the love-bond that they nurtured while these sons were with them. Preventing alien invasions: You must have heard or said this at least once: ‘Who taught you that?!’ or, ‘Where did you learn that?’ When you are not training your child, someone else is. Television is a major culprit. Many children learn to dance from the television. If your defence is that you can’t dance so you can’t teach them how to dance, at least you can vet the steps. Teachers are also trainers; a mother kept complaining, ‘My daughter says ‘hegg’ instead of egg, and we are not Yoruba!’ Another child says ‘My begh’ when he refers to his bag, and refuses to believe his mother when she says it’s pronounced ‘bag’. A mother was scandalised one day, when, instead of alerting her to a stuffy nose, her child just put his hand to his nose, and with practised ease blew into his hand, shook the mucus off and wiped his fingers on his shirt. You guessed the next thing she said; ‘Where did you learn that rubbish?!’ Speech, mannerisms, attitudes, beliefs, all can be picked from others if you are not ready and available to teach them. So before you wake up one day to find an alien in your child’s body, sit up and be more upfront with mentoring, advice and information. Stop leaving the work for others to do. You will get the credit for their contributions, but you might not like all that they put in.

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This article was first published on 25th April 2013 and updated on May 31st, 2013 at 12:25 pm

pagboga

Chojare Pamela Agboga is a Legal Practitioner, Writer, Editor, Chartered Secretary and Administrator. She is currently working on her first novel 'Weekends are for Loving' as well as a devotional for women.