She Says: Dealing With Pet Peeves in a Relationship

As individuals, we all have intricate flaws and pesky habits that drive others up the wall. It’s all part of being human, and while some may feel ashamed to talk about this with their significant other, I think you and I are close enough to discuss this on a mature level. We’re no exception to the rule of being perfect. Far from it! It drives me crazy when you chew gum loudly, yet I let you do it with my blessing. I’m glad because some ladies are forced to endure peeves of greater magnitudes like their men being very loud, dirty or drinking too much. I’m also thankful that you’re patient enough to deal with my excesses as well. Breakups and divorces always stem from an unresolved issue. For some, the issue started off so minor, it should have been resolved from the get-go but wasn’t. With that said, I feel it’s important we learn to deal with our excesses and try to agree on healthy reactions to them. Level 1: Ignore (Bear it) They say choose your battles wisely, since some are just not worth stressing over. When we first commit our atrocities, I think it’s safe to let them slide, since it’s just the first instance anyway. It’s during this stage that we should make sure we’re not just being overly sensitive. This is very likely if we’ve been under a lot of stress, or aren’t feeling well.   Level 2: Ignore, but show signs of discomfort While some people choose to remain in Level 1, I personally don’t believe that’s advisable. You are bound to get frustrated, and to make things worse, it’ll be frustration in silence. Just picture a stirred up Coke bottle foaming within. The minute its lid goes off, we immediately have an eruption on our hands, and the same can be said in this case. If the pet peeve is becoming excessive, it may be wise to start sending signals – the polite kind, I must add. Eye rolling and scrunched up faces will get you nothing but feelings of resentment in return.   Level 3: Say Something! The next level up is actually speaking up against it. Women in particular tend to jump right to this from level 1 – that’s if they even do the first three stages at all. I think it comes with us being naturally emotional and expressive creatures. Speaking up is good, but only when done respectfully in a safe environment. Embarrassing each other in public is never a good idea, and if made a habit is likely to lead to the end of our relationship (no one can stand being disrespected that long!) Let’s say what upsets us calmly, and perhaps why it gets to us too, so the other person sees where you’re coming from.   Level 4: Be patient It takes 30 days to break a habit, so let’s not expect each other to change from our strange ways overnight after we’ve spoken up about them. Some people have had certain bad habits for a lifetime and it would be unrealistic to expect them to be dropped instantly. Permanent change takes time, and with patience and understanding from the other person involved, we’ll soon start to see and enjoy results. This is as long as the person in question is actually making efforts to change.   Level 5: Break up  Some partners refuse to change; their primary excuse being “This is how I am, so deal with it.” Level 5 might seem harsh and a bit extreme, but if after some serious thought, either of us decides this pet peeve is just too much to deal with, it’s probably wise we go our separate ways since we’re not married. This must be a point of last resort, however. On one hand, the person in question’s refusal to change might be a sign of inherent stubbornness, which can be a huge obstacle to overcome when we have bigger challenges in the future. On the other, everyone has their “commas” – no one is perfect, remember – so unless it’s a comma we absolutely cannot handle, reconsider. Let’s just find people with commas we can live with.           About the Writer: Ify Halim is a young Creative and promoter of values through the force that is writing. Follow her on twitter @MissHalim.

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This article was first published on 11th May 2015

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