Connectnigeria Articles

By Arinze Ude

marriage- — Photo Credit: divorcedwomenonline.com

“Everybody seems to be getting married and the unmarried ones seem to be getting more worried.” That’s a tweet from one of the numerous people I follow on Twitter. My friend Mikael gave me the shock of the year so far on my birthday. He told me he wanted to settle down with his girlfriend after just three weeks of dating. Mikael and Valerie met at a birthday party in February and they hit it off. Mikael is one of those guys girls describe as tall, dark, handsome and rich while Valerie is a nymphet with a sexy British accent to say the least. When he broke the news to me, I was nonplussed and speechless for a while. As a matter of fact, I needed two minutes to recover from the shock. “Are you serious” I asked him. He told me the lady is a British citizen, sexy, educated and from a well-to-do family. What else did he need? Although he didn’t say the words, it was obvious he’s settling down with the babe because of her physical attributes and rich background. I’m really worried for my dear friend because a wise man once told me “Do not marry while too young, for you have not experience enough to train your son; nor too old, that you have not the patience. There is a mean in marriage, as in all things.” “No man is the same after marriage. Either his joys are doubled and his sorrows halved, or his joys are halved and his sorrows doubled.” Honestly, the rate at which young people say “I do” is becoming worrisome. Not because marrying at a young age is a bad thing, NO, but because the rate at which they marry is directly proportional to the rate at which they separate, and just like the wise man said, there’s a mean in all facets of life. Call me old fashioned but I believe marriage should be for better or worse, till death parts the couple. Nowadays, people are in a hurry to walk down the aisle, the same way they are in haste to separate when one squabble comes along. In 1969, United States Governor, Ronald Reagan of California signed the nation’s first no-fault divorce bill to eliminatethe deceit associated with the legal regime of fault-based divorce. A decision he later described as one of the biggest mistakes of his political career. The new law eliminated the need for couples to fabricate spousal wrongdoing in pursuit of a divorce. Thirty years later, the myth of the good divorce has not stood up well in the face of sustained social scientific inquiry — especially when one considers the welfare of children exposed to their parents’ divorces. The children are often the victims when parents separate/re-marry. They are forced to watch their parents fight in court for custody. Children from separated homes are often if not always troubled. The role of a father and mother as a team in the life of a growing child can never be over-emphasized so they need to work together even if they don’t get along anymore, just for the sake of the kids. Due to civilisation and imitation of western culture, divorce is on the rise in our dear nation. Most young men seem to believe the only aim of marriage is for procreation while others succumb to the pressure from their girlfriends, via pregnancy or otherwise, to put a ring on her finger and legalise their coitus. Then, there are the desperate ones who plunge into the pool of marriage with pretence, polluting the pool as a result. Most people crumble under pressure, the pressure from some families has made a lot of people miserable because they ended up with people they weren’t supposed to marry. There is also a group that believe the fantasy/fairy-tale of marrying early and growing up with their kids so they rush into what they aren’t ready for, all in a bid to have that “happily ever after” life. We need to understand that marriage isn’t a “boyfriend/girlfriend” issue. Marriage is a sacred union blessed by God, who detests the word divorce. (Malachi 2:13-16; also read Matthew 19:9 & Ephesians 13:4) There’s no rush when it comes to marriage, take your time to know your partner inside and out, know what he/she likes and dislikes, make sure you can cope and live the rest of your life with his flaws and that he or she is ready to live with yours. Marriage needs maturity, understanding, wisdom, endurance and tolerance to cope with the hitches that come with it. Always remember; marriage is not about what happens at the wedding but what happens after the wedding.