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Nigerian parents can complain sha. They are technically conditioned to highlight every trait they do not like in you so as to correct you. Unfortunately or fortunately, this correction doesn’t always come about in a normal conversation or advice to gently guide you to the right path. Lai lai, it is a shouting that can scar your eardrums for life. There are different parenting styles; Authoritative, Authoritarian and Indulgent or Permissive styles. Let’s talk about them for a minute. Authoritative Parenting Style: This is when the child knows that the parent is both ‘Friend’ and ‘Boss’.  They smile with you one moment, the next  moment you do not know what you did to land you an ‘igbati’. These type of parents closely relate with their children while exerting discipline. They do not complain all the time or should I say, they complain with your best interest at heart. Authoritarian Parenting Style: There is only one god, one leader, and one dictator in the house–them. No time for smiles, or irrelevant pleasantries. The house is a rule’s field zone. No other voice than theirs. For these set of parents be sure to hear excess shouting, complaining and so on. Indulgent or Permissive Parenting Style:  While this style of Parenting was not familiar in the old days, it has come to stay with our present generation of parenting. These set of parents do not complain in the presence of their children. They only do it to their spouse or family friends. Their children understand that they rock their parents’ world and are free to air their opinions without getting a shout as a reply. They are very loving, low-demands type of parents. They are usually more like a friend, a gisting partner than a parent. In all, train up a Child in the way He/she should grow and when they grow up, they will not depart from it. Don’t expect what you didn’t instill in your child to show up in them as adults or vice versa. Nigerian parents might complain and irritate their children, but it is only if you live in a fool’s paradise that you would not understand that complaining is just a Nigerian parent’s way of showing love. However, a little balance wouldn’t hurt because the child also needs to hear positive affirmations from his/her parents. Choose your parenting style wisely!

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This article was first published on 18th July 2017

adepeju

Adepeju Adenuga is a writer (considering where you are reading this, makes perfect sense). She holds a Masters Degree in Literature in English from the University of Lagos.


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41 thoughts on “Complaining: Nigerian Parenting 101”


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