Babe, I Miss You: What Exactly is He Missing?

Growing up, everything that made a guy chase you, or refuse to let you go, was “love”. Regardless of what mum, aunties and older friends said, you just couldn’t see anything else. Now, you’re a grown woman, and you’re wiser. You now know that a man can be chasing you hotly and fawning over you bigly, only because he wants to have sex with you- nothing more. This is pretty basic; every adult Nigerian woman has this ingrained in her subconscious. What we don’t seem to have grasped as fully, is that there are myriad of other reasons for which men chase, and cling to women. We just aren’t waking up fast enough to these other ones. The most obvious of the lot, at least for the shrewd, is money. Men not only date women so they can gain access to their wealth, some actually go on to marry for the money. In Nollywood movies, the guy who chases or marries a woman for her money is usually wretched. Real life, however, can be different. The guy may not look like he needs her money, but he certainly wants it, and it’s part of why he’s going after her. Ask Weyinmi, who transitioned from a high-paying job to a fashion design business she’s passionate about. The entire transition period was fraught with tension between her and Mudi, and when she handed in her resignation, he broke up with her. Only then, she realised he had been into her because she was well paid. Now that she no longer had the plum job, she most likely would be unable to pitch in as much financially when they needed to do things together like go on vacation, or buy stuff for “their” parents. And God forbid she actually looked to him to take care of some bills. What a nightmare, forbidder forbid! He has since found another girl with a fantastic salary. Other times, it’s neither sex nor money. He just enjoys the dysfunction in the relationship. Throughout Idongesit’s relationship with Kobi, every apology came from her. Even when he was wrong, he would skillfully turn the tables until she was the one saying “I’m sorry”. Whatever went wrong was her fault. They always did what he wanted to do, and she always walked on eggshells, careful not to rock the boat. She bent over backwards to please him, appease him, and prove to him that she was wife material. Idongesit really wanted to get married, and Kobi knew it. As time went on, Idongesit realized two things: Kobi would never marry her, and she could actually do much better anyway. So one day, she gently ended the relationship and walked away. You’d think he would just let her go since she was the seemingly desperate one in the relationship anyway, but no! He called several times a day, sent messages, begged friends to help him beg her, and showed up at her house uninvited, a poem in hand. To others, Kobi appeared every inch the distraught, heartbroken lover. Thankfully, Idongesit and a few discerning friends could see what was going on. He enjoyed the relationship the way it was; unhealthy and ridiculously skewed. He missed having someone to worship him, someone who would put her own happiness aside just to make him happy, while he looked out for only himself. Of course, he’s not lying when he texts, “Babe, I miss you so much.” What exactly is he missing? That is the question. The other day, one guy was lamenting over losing his girlfriend and his greatest concern was the success of his business. “She’s always praying for me, and her prayers actually work, man. Since I met her, I haven’t lost a single pitch. I don’t know what I’m going to do now.” If you know what to say to this guy, please drop it in the comments.

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This article was first published on 1st August 2017

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