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ConnectNigeria_SayWhatYouMean   Sometimes, one of the hardest things in life is to be heard and understood. Most times the only way to put unclear unwavering thoughts towards a person, a thing, or an action to rest is if we fire up the courage to say what we really need to say. So here are 5 ways you can say what you mean so that you can get the answers, responses and reactions you want. 1. Say “No”/”Yes” simply: When you simply don’t want to do something, say a simple “No” instead of saying what sounds like a “No” but eventually leads to a “Yes”. Note that you have to be at least 50% sure that you want to do something before you agree to anything that is offered and if you decide that you really truly want to do it, simply say so and avoid rambling as it may not sit well with your listener because they cannot figure out if you want to do it or not. 2. Ask “What questions do you have?”: More often than not, most people ask, “Do you have any questions?” which is okay but since it would most of the time receive a Yes/No answer, you may be unable to get as much of an informative response from your listener/audience as you may have previously desired. “What questions do you have?” is an open ended question which has a higher probability of giving you thorough helpful information than the former option. 3. Say “I will do it”: This expresses commitment and a follow up through spirit to anyone who listens to you. It shows that you understand the seriousness of the task at hand and it projects you as someone who can be trusted with it. Instead of saying “I’ll try to do it” which projects doubt to your listener, decide whether you will do it or not and project reliability by saying “I will do it”. 4. Say “I understand”: This phrase suggests that the person in question has paid full attention to the viewpoint that was raised. Irrespective of what comes after the phrase, “I understand” whether positive or negative, this person has acknowledged another person’s ideas. Even if you eventually disagree with the ideas presented, saying that “I understand but/and I would like you to consider some more viewpoints…” presents you as an effective listener. In addition, it helps you pick up the merits of differing viewpoints and come up with stronger ideas. Avoid negating other people’s ideas outright, rather hear them out and use their points to build for yourself stronger points. 5. Ask “What would be the right way to handle this?”: When a conversation is getting heated and it looks like the person in question is about to treat you unjustly, try and appeal to their sense of what is right by asking them, “Looking at the various facts on ground, what would be the right way to handle this?” Some would mellow at this point to arrive at a fair way of viewing the issue, while some may have no sense of what is right and proceed to act unfairly. Whatever response you get, appealing to other’s sense of what is fair when conflicts arise might open you up to seeing those issues in a way you might not have seen before.
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This article was first published on 8th September 2014

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