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Are you in a relationship? Or are you questioning the nature of a new or longtime friendship? If yes, then this article is for you.

The worst love, work or friendly relationships can break a person’s soul, spirit and bank account if care isn’t taken. There is also the case of abuse – the physical, mental and emotional kind – that is affecting thousands on a regular basis, some of whom are not even aware of their status as victims and believe it’s the norm. Research explains the latter, citing that some individuals feel their emotional responses to the abuse are unimportant or are imaginary.

Here are a few things to look out for:

1. You are genuinely happy for each other when something goes well. From a job promotion to a new car, your happiness is his or her happiness. There is no jealousy or intentional downplaying of achievements.

2. You freely communicate with each other without fear of judgment or unfair criticism.

3. You express appreciation and admiration for each other regularly.

4. You are able to keep your individual identities in the relationship.

5. You are willing to and actively help in each other’s personal or professional growth.

6. You know and respect each other’s goals and ambitions, and ideally share the same values.

7. You make joint decisions and are open to compromise. One person doesn’t dominate the decision making process.

8. You can trust each other to hold confidential information.

9. You treat each other with respect.  No eye rolling, hissing or name calling even in heated arguments. Your opinions are treated as valuable.

10. You do not physically attack each other – slapping, biting, punching included.

11. You do not constantly feel anxious or afraid around each other. Intimidation or manipulation of any kind does not exist between you two.

12. You are both quick to apologise. No one is perfect, so there will be slip ups. But is he or she remorseful when this happens, and is there an attempt to make amends? And even if this is the case, consider the next point.

13. You do not offend each other consistently. This is important to note because some abusive people tend to apologise repeatedly with no intention of stopping their destructive behaviour.

14. You do not try to control each other’s behaviour, personality, dressing, friendships or movement.

15. You spend productive, quality time together and feel comfortable in each other’s company.


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This article was first published on 17th October 2015 and updated on October 19th, 2015 at 10:20 am

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Ify Halim is a Writer and media enthusiast based in Lagos. She enjoys writing self-help/inspirational articles with published work in UYD Magazine, Edufrica, Our Stories Inc. and The Keele Concourse. She currently works at ConnectNigeria.com, Nigeria’s Information Portal. Follow her on Twitter @MissHalim or visit her online space at ifyhalim.wordpress.com


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