A few weeks ago, I attended The Conversation, an event hosted by writer and publicist, Joy Isi Bewaji. The aim of the meeting was to discuss the way forward for gender equality in Nigeria; is our society really ready? And the answer was no, thanks to the hold that patriarchy still has.
What is patriarchy? It is a social system where power is primarily held by males; they occupy most leadership positions, make the rules women must follow, control property, and generally assume superiority over women for no other reason than that they are male.
What are we asking for when we seek gender equality? That every member of society, male and female, be allowed freedom to express their individuality, live fulfilled lives, and rise to positions of power without being judged by what lies between their legs.
Sure, we have come a long way thanks to the effort and sacrifice of many feminists. The days of “women should be seen, not heard” and “a woman’s place is in the kitchen” are long gone. The days when only boys were sent to school because girls were only good for marriage are also behind us. If you, as a woman, picked up a voter’s card and went out to vote in the just concluded elections, you have feminists to thank for that. Left to patriarchy, you would have remained disenfranchised for life.
Thankfully, we had women like the Lioness of Lisabi, Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti, who advocated strongly for women’s right to vote. Women enfranchisement started in 1950 in the Southern parts of Nigeria, and Southern women voted and contested offices in the 1959 federal elections, but northern women were not allowed to do so. It was not until 1976 that Northern women finally gained the right both to vote and to run for office!
Our work is not yet done. Patriarchy still holds women back in so many ways. And the sad thing is that too often, patriarchy is facilitated by women themselves, to the hurt of fellow women. Religion does not help either, with many interpreting both Islam and Christianity to be in support of the subjugation of women. These myths need to be exposed.
For instance, the “women are the weaker sex” excuse that is used to deny so many girls and women the achievement of their potential is a misinterpretation of the Bible verse that says, “…giving honour to the wife, as to the weaker vessel.” (1 Peter 3:7) First off, the context was within marriage, not a license to trample on women in society. Secondly, it was referring to treating her with respect because her vessel is weaker than the man’s, not her content. Picture alcohol poured into a tumbler and a champagne glass. One vessel is stronger and could survive a fall, whereas the other would be shattered if it fell. Does that change the strength of the beverage inside the vessel? NO.
As women, we need to start treating ourselves and each other with respect. A woman should not be pressured to minimize herself so that men will not shy away from marrying her. If I have to turn my light down for you, are you really qualified to be my husband? I would rather marry someone wants to see me at my highest and brightest, without feeling threatened!
We need to start raising our boys and girls equally, instead of raising women who can’t change a light bulb without a man, and men who will starve if there is no woman to cook for them. Both women and men play a role in the workforce now, and bring income into the family. It is only fitting that men should also be competent in domestics.
Gender equality goes beyond gender roles. Every individual should be free to be all that they were created to be. Whatever a woman does, let it be because she wants to, not because a patriarchal society, with rules made by men who don’t even understand what it is to be a woman, forces her to. That is the essence of gender equality. That is the reason for The Conversation. Don’t miss the next one!
