Love In Hard Places…

By Bernice Alhassan

  It was a beautiful night, everything was perfect and sweet, yet it beats me as to how everything turned sour. In one split second we went from expressing love to expressing hurt, from understanding what we shared to misunderstanding what was said. I wince at the disgust of it all, beat myself up over and over again for letting it happen. All I’ve ever had in my heart is love for him, value for what we shared. But our hearts were both screaming at the top of their voices, neither could hear the other. I thought he always played the victim, he thought I was the one playing the victim. I felt he was talking like he alone was hurting and I had no idea what he was going through, he felt I was the one sounding like I alone was hurting and he had no idea what I was going through. I wanted him to cut me a little more rope, shift ground for me a little bit more, he thought I blamed him for all that was going wrong. I’d sacrificed a lot of things and a lot of people and I know he’d done the same and much more but we were too engrossed in our own selves at that point to give each other credit. Where was all this coming from? It seemed like everytime we had a quarrel and I tried to express myself, he went all the way and completely misinterpreted my words; it felt again like he was playing the victim and I knew he thought the same about me. When everything was over, I was in tears, I was hurt, and I knew he too was hurt. When I did take the time to clear my head and look at things more objectively, I realized one thing; we were both alike, wanting and needing the same things, concentrating so much on ourselves that we failed to see what the other wanted, demanding from ourselves the very things we weren’t patient enough to give at the time. At that moment in time, we both took the selfish turn. It’s the issue with many relationships today. The reason why sweet turns sour, why love goes wrong. However, I had one strong point (okay, okay, I know what you’re thinking now. He’s got loads of strong points aswell but this is about me right? Afterall, I’m the one writing) that had always kept me going. I’d never truly cared who was wrong or who was right in the first place. Life just didn’t give me enough time for that. He was borrowed and I wanted every moment of my borrowed time to be memorable. I just wanted peace. I wanted it bad enough to say “I’m sorry”. Even if it ripped up every shred of pride in me, I loved him that much and there was no pride between us. He however was still too pissed to listen. Now I’m confused and still hoping that I’ve not lost the only man who ever truly made me happy. Life is uncertain, yet we waste what time we have trying to cast blame and settle unnecessary squabbles when we could just take 2 seconds to apologize, forgive and just keep loving.Its so much easier when you realize what you have sometimes is priceless and you won’t get it elsewhere. I wrote this cause I want you to pick what you can from me and salvage the situation while you can. And if my love is reading this, sweet, I’m sorry and I want you to know always that I love you and I want you back.