By Pamela Agboga.Credit: www.thomasandfriends.com
These adorable little stars that make life fun and unbearable at the same time are as unique as they come. Some are very vocal while others are taciturn. Whichever brand of tot the stork dropped on your doorstep, you have the God-given mandate to care for and nurture the child to full growth and independence.
With the challenge of managing your own life, and one or more others attached, you kind of start getting a ‘my way or the highway’ attitude with your children. After all, as Alice was informed by the Lory in ‘Alice in Wonderland’; ‘I’m older than you, and must know better.’
It is important to listen to your child and try to understand the reason for the child’s reluctance. On one of these channels that recreate true life murders, a teenage girl who had been forced to go to school on a day when she had not felt like going, had stood at the door and declared; ‘I wish I was kidnapped and murdered.’ She then slammed the door on her mother and left. She never arrived at school that day. She was picked at random by a couple on a murdering spree, and had been raped and murdered.
The only sliver of comfort from that story was that her murder was their last, they were caught barely an hour after shooting her dead and trying to dispose of the body. While a mere ‘I just don’t feel like going to school today’ could turn out to become an anthem if heeded, if a child suddenly does not feel like going to school, try to be understanding and find out why, and do not dismiss your child’s intuition; this is a complete person with feelings and emotions like you. If you respect your own feelings, then you should respect theirs too.
Just imagine how a parent of one of the 20 Sandy Hook Elementary School children that lost their lives would have felt if that day the child had woken up and not ‘felt’ like going to school, and the parent had forced the child go. It is far better to act early than realise too late and regret. And that is why parents should listen when their children ‘speak’.
HOW DO YOU LISTEN? Watch out for Signs: Sometimes the child is not the chatty type. If a child who loves school suddenly doesn’t want to go, it’s time to have a sit-down with the child.
Stay at the Same Level: Most psychologists advocate bending down to the child’s eye level and staying there till the discussion is over. If you love your thighs, sit comfortably, facing each other.
Maintain Eye Contact: This action engenders trust in the child and a confidence that you are fully interested in what the child is telling you.
Search by Proxy: If you are not very close to your child (which happens sometimes) ask someone who is close to the child to find out what is wrong, but be sure that person does not appear to you to be part of the reason for the child’s changed behaviour.
Do not blame the Child or lose your temper: I read a story about a woman who told her pre-teen child to always wear a bra, while she left the child regularly with her lover. One day he assaulted the child, and, astute mother that she was, the day she came home she ‘felt’ and saw the change in her child. When the child confirmed her suspicion she asked only one question, ‘Did you wear your bra?’ and when the child answered in the negative she gave her a slap and concluded that the child had seduced the man. Your duty as a parent is to help your child get through challenging situations, not to go all Judge Dredd on the poor child.
Do something about it: Fix the problem the best way you can. Sometimes you have to go about it in a delicate manner, particularly for children who might view your intervention as embarrassing if their friends found out, or when the person you query about the situation has the power to make life even worse for the child. Remember, if it was an easy matter to your child, he or she might have told you earlier and voluntarily, so act with wisdom and care for how the outcome of your actions affects your child.
Children are a gift and a personal responsibility to the adult whose life they enrich. The parent who learns to walk with his child through the early stage can be sure that the child will walk with him in his old age. Listening to and grooming your child is the best retirement plan you can ever hope to cash in on in the not so distant future.
