Every 21st century ‘big’ girl would most definitely agree with me, that it’s not an easy task living in a small world (there is just not enough space). A world where more than half of the population expects you to fit in but your body violently disagrees by sticking out like a sour thumb. A world where you are told, how you should look and made to feel like a lesser version of yourself, if you do not comply or should I say, if your body refuses to comply(because it obviously has a mind of its own).
The feeling of inferiority increases, when every eye looks at you with disdain each time you have to take the bus. Eyes throwing daggers at you, blaming you for the lack of space (even though the bus conductor has put 5 people on a 4 sitter). It cuts too deep when you are the best candidate for photographer duties anytime your skinny friends decide to take pictures.
Getting passed over for bridesmaid duties whenever any of your friends decide to get married, just adds salt to your injury (even though the bridesmaids dresses are completely hideous, it still hurts like hell). You bemoan your single status blaming it on your body and forgetting you are more than your looks (for your information, not all skinny girls are in relationships). Countless replays of Bruno Mars’ Just the Way You Are doesn’t seem to help lift up your spirits. It only goes to show you are not as skinny or beautiful as the girl in the video (**wailing**).
The worst part of your dilemma, which you soon realise is that all the fashionable trendy and chic clothes are available for all body types except yours. Even the so called plus size cloth manufacturers, get it all wrong (all they produce never fits the big-sized woman). Even though you are a “plus size” (come to think of it, do we have minus sizes) it doesn’t mean you have no fashion sense or style ethics. This part hurts the most because there is no way you are going to leave the comfort of your home with nothing fancy and beautiful to wear except your black garbage bag (which is the only thing that fits by the way).
At this point, for some strange reason, you believe the only way out is starving yourself. You punish your body forgetting that, starvation is not a diet plan. It feels good for a while but you are pulled back to reality by the sharp pains in your belly, (diagnoses; ulcer). All you want to be is a size 0 but you end up with God forsaken ulcer. But has your lesson been learnt, that skinny isn’t for everyone? No.
So the next obvious step is to try exercising, you refuse to consult a physician to be sure if you are fit for strenuous exercises. You join a gym and ride the treadmill like a slave driver, then one day you wake up in a hospital bed and you wonder “How the hell did I get here?” The answer my dear is you passed out at the gym from overworking your heart (which wasn’t strong, to begin with).
Now it dawns on you, that you could have died all because you tried to fit into the image this small world accepts. You spend weeks wallowing in self-pity but thank God for your support system, e.g. your skinny bestie (by the way, why do most big girls always have skinny friends as best buds). Now you are at a point in your life, where you realise that you are more than your body.
In India Arie’s words “you are not your hair, you are not your skin, you are the soul that lives within”. A fiery soul that has so much to offer the world and yeah maybe your body is just not part of that offer. Then your journey of self-love begins, the confidence that whether skinny or big, plus size or minus size, black or white, tall or short, it doesn’t matter who you are as long as you love and accept yourself wholeheartedly.