We must raise our daughters differently. We must also raise our sons differently. We do a great disservice to boys in how we raise them. We stifle the humanity of boys. We define masculinity in a very narrow way. Masculinity becomes this hard small cage and we put boys inside the cage. We teach boys to be afraid of fear. We teach boys to be afraid of weakness, of vulnerability. We teach them to mask their true selves because they have to be, in Nigeria speak, “hard man.” Why should a woman’s success be a threat to a man? What if we decide to simply dispose of that word, and I don’t think there is an English word I dislike more than, “emasculation.” Now, marriage can be a good thing. It can be a source of joy and love and mutual support, but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? The problem with gender is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are. I’m trying to unlearn many of the lessons of gender that I internalized when I was growing up. But I sometimes still feel very vulnerable in the face of gender expectationsHere’s the tweet that kicked things off:
#beingfemaleinnigeria someone asked me why do you want to get a PhD ? You won’t get husband o.
— Florence Warmate (@FlorenceWarmate) June 30, 2015
#BeingFemaleInNigeria means you are more likely to start a business than a woman in USA. http://t.co/Dpo2kA6rnr — Amenze Iyamu (@amenzeiyamu) June 30, 2015
What about our strength? What about our beauty? What about us being survivors? Who will tell this other story about #BeingFemaleInNigeria? — Dupe Killa (@dupekilla) June 30, 2015
#BeingfemaleinNigeria is being told countless times that I will never find a husband because I am “too ambitious” and outspoken. — u.u (@KhaleesiNU) June 30, 2015
#BeingFemaleInNigeria From my dad: “Ignore what the society says you should be, be smart, outspoken, whatever you want to do, get it done”
— Abang! #OpenNASS (@AbangMercy) June 30, 2015Seminars everywhere teaching Girls how to be good Wives. Who’s teaching the Boys how to be responsible Husbands too? #BeingFemaleInNigeria — Toyosi Akerele. O. (@toyosirise) June 30, 2015No makeup? “But you won’t get a man.” Glammed up? “You look like a whore/you’re trying to steal someone’s husband.” #Beingfemaleinnigeria — Ms. Lamide A. (@LAkintobi) June 30, 2015 ‘Our Parents taught Boys baseless superiority & unconsciously taught Girls all the skills we need to excel in Life #BeingFemaleInNigeria
— Toyosi Akerele. O. (@toyosirise) June 30, 2015
Dept Presidential elections. Being asked to step down because it is a traditionally male position and you might win #beingfemaleinnigeria
— Arit Okpo (@menoword) June 30, 2015
#BeingFemaleInNigeria you are not meant to drive an SUV. You will scare men (Reason I make friends with ladies with big SUVs lol) — JJ. Omojuwa (@Omojuwa) June 30, 2015