The phrase ‘the big three O’ (as 30 is often referred to) is usually uttered with great fear. I had never figured out why, especially when it is said that life begins at 40 but I guess, 30 is the year you realize you can never be a child again.
It seemed like when I turned 21, I was stuck there. Throughout my twenties, at every birthday, I would be asked ‘how does it feel to be older’ to which I always replied, ‘I don’t feel any different’. And this was the truth. When I looked in the mirror, I could see that the laugh lines were deepening but that was pretty much all the difference there was. My hair was longer, I was probably slimmer, same number of men hit on me, so not that much had changed. Then one day, I was walking on the road and a young man said admiringly ‘fine woman’, and I looked around for a few seconds before I realized he was talking to me and suddenly, I was old!!!
I wasn’t a girl anymore, I was now a woman. The responsibilities on my shoulders had come to stay. They weren’t temporary, as I had thought, a burden brought on by the moment. From here on now, I will probably only acquire more responsibilities as opposed to shedding them. And finally, I understood the fear associated with ‘the big three O’.
Once you get there, there’s no looking back. Expectations of you change, your parents and society are expecting you to be working, have settled down or on the verge of that, maybe even have a kid or kids. People now place this undue pressure on themselves to be perfect. Good job, house, car, perhaps married or almost there; the proverbial white picket fence and the 2.5 kids. And the fear of not achieving that at the ‘society appropriate age’ is just as big as the fear of the age itself.
The reality is this, not all fingers are equal. Some will achieve things earlier than others. The minute you understand this, you stop being in competition with everyone else and start competing with the only person who matters, yourself. The irony is, you will push yourself farther and faster than you would have if you spent all your time trying to ‘keep up with the Dangotes’ and thus achieve what seemed impossible a few moments ago.
So, I am learning new things about this epiphany I have come into. And I am loving it. I like being called a woman, feeling and looking like one. My style has become more sophisticated, I talk with more confidence and definitely walk with the same. I listen more and speak enough, I fight my battles and those of my kin and I am strong enough for what has come to make a home on my shoulders. And though i’m not thirty yet, I know that when I get there, it will be with aplomb rather than dread.
About the Author: Ijeoma Aniebo is an Actress and TV Presenter who also finds artistic expression in written and spoken word. When she’s not in front of the camera or on stage, she enjoys getting lost in movies, traveling and meeting new people. ‘Live, laugh, love and learn’ is the mantra she lives by and you can find her on twitter and instagram as @declectic or in the blogsphere at www.sidesofacoin.wordpress.com
