A Mother’s Confession: Dealing With Separation Anxiety

I must start this post with hailing, saluting and doffing my hat to moms who travel a lot. How do you do it? It’s a class I am willing to attend and a skill I need to learn. 80% … scratch that … 90% of the times I have had to travel, I reschedule. My name is Somachi Kachikwu and I suffer from Separation Anxiety. As I write this post, its 5:09am in Washington DC. I have been awake since 1:30am tracking school runs through my assistant, my office manager, my nannies, my driver, my security and indirectly through my parents, who are babysitting. My mom is tired of me harassing her. I track her all day till I can confirm she is home with my kids. Of course, I do it with style so she doesn’t cuss me out. “Mummy, how now?” “Mummy, any breaking news today”, “Mummy, how’s politics? As she is answering, I will be listening to the background noise to access her location. In fact, let me ping my mother’s neighbour/my friend and ask if she noticed anything odd. How will I achieve my goals if I can’t leave Abuja for even Lagos, let alone Ala Bekee aka Abroad aka Overs? Anyone who has babysat for me probably thinks I’m a little crazy. My children will arrive with suitcases filled with labeled clothes: Monday/School, Monday/After School, Monday/ PJs, Monday/Underwear. I am partly worried about my kids skipping their routine (we operate a system that the army would consider adopting); but I am most concerned with their happiness, comfort and safety. Once I travelled for work and had to miss my son’s birthday. I think I woke up my entire family by 5am to start preparing for the class party. I had like 12 family members show up in my son’s class. In addition, they had to send me pictures every step of the way from every angle. Not to mention, I cried so much throughout the day that my colleagues were perplexed by my behaviour. When my kids went to visit my sister in The Netherlands, the poor girl had to put up her “A” game to accommodate the Delta Knights. She put them in Summer Camp. Every morning, my 3 older sons would get on the bus with her kids to camp. I almost fainted when she told me. Hey Chineke! I don’t have the bus driver’s phone number, what will I do? To add insult to injury, my chairman, my youngest was left at home with her younger kids. I hate separating my kids. I was convinced my sister was out for me. Then the final blow was when they told me about riding their bikes to soccer practice and to the grocery store. The trip challenged my blood pressure. But guess what? They survived. They had a blast. They were super duper excited to have a little independence. And there I am always wondering: Did someone mistakenly put ketchup on my baby’s plantain rather than on the side of the plate? Did they wear matching socks to school? Who cross-checked their homework? If it wasn’t well done, did they make them re-write it? I was really stuck on my way or the high way … and that was wrong. It takes a village to raise a child. It really does. I think it’s important for me to calm down, appreciate who ever can manage my four Delta Knights, let go and let God. There is so much they can learn from other life patterns. Truth is if we are going to raise happy, balanced children, then we have to let them find, seek and discover. It is important that my sons appreciate that women can leave home for a couple days, weeks, months and it’s all good. I don’t want my sons telling their wives, “my mom was always at home, why do you want to travel?” It’s not a big deal when daddies travel for business trips, relaxation expeditions and just-because-trips. So, moms should be cut some slack, and those for whom slack is not the problem (like me) should grow some liver. I have deferred so many great opportunities because of my separation anxiety and this year, I will defer no more. (I am a chicken, maybe next year).   – SK