Most often we fall victim to so many commitments and we end up abandoning our personal
happiness in a bid to please others, which makes us displease ourselves. This is a result of our inability to say no. Saying no to certain demands from people is a way we measure our growth and sense of independence.
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Well, it is not easy to say no to commitments from family and friends. However, most of our frustration is anchored on our inability to say no to people. It can be frustrating to work on the goals of others at your expense. In this article, I’m going to take you through six powerful tips on how to say
no.
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Keep In Mind Why You’re Saying No
You must have a good reason to say no. Are you saying no because your desk is full? Are you saying no because you don’t have the necessary skillset and talent needed for the demand? Are you saying no because you’re not in the right frame of health and mind to pull such a task through? Or are you saying no because you don’t want to help due to your personal issues with the person such as simple dislike for the person? You must have genuine reasons for saying so that you don’t feel guilt-tripped and so that you can state clearly your reasons for declining. Further, you can have genuine reasons for saying no because you’re governed by your priorities. When you’ve your priorities in mind you can easily say no without feeling bad about rejection commitments from friends and family.
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Disarm And Then State Reasons For Saying No
When you apply to disarm effect on people, you can easily state your reasons for saying no to their requests. For example, a friend wants me to help her move her properties to her new apartment by 3 PM, I can simply tell her that I would also be busy at the same period taking my ailing father to the hospital. When she sees my reason for turning down her request is more demanding than theirs, she can easily understand rather than feeling disappointed. But in all, be honest.
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Normalise Feeling Guilty When You Say No
One of the things that can happen anytime we turn down people’s requests is that we often feel guilty, and that’s normal. We wish we can say yes and get on with the requests of friends and family, but our sanity must come first. The feelings of guilt shouldn’t be a reason why we suspend our priorities in order to say yes when we mean to say no. This is necessary because being disappointed in ourselves can be more lasting and painful than temporal guilt.
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State How You Clearly Feel About A Request
Stating your feelings about a commitment placed on you by a friend, family, or coworker can help you say no when needed. If you’re uncomfortable or incapable of getting a request done, state it clearly and give reasons. Sometimes, people might be pushy and may want to pressurize you into doing what you’re uncomfortable with, it is appropriate you draw the lines and let them know your fears, values, other commitments, past experience scepticisms about a request. For example, a coworker might want to cajole you into investing in an investment scheme that isn’t clear to you, it’s important you state that you’re not convinced to invest because you’re sceptical about it, based on your background check.
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Get Used To The Fact That You Can’t Please Everyone
This is one of the most uncomfortable truths you must come to terms with: you can’t please everyone. Being a people pleaser will always leave you unhappy. You must realise that people go through a lot – broken homes, broken marriages, overwhelming debts, cranky work expectations – and you’re not out to fix all these things. Except you’re a professional psychologist whose interest is to help people find their feet psychologically, don’t go about trying to solve people’s problems as though you want to play God. Your priorities must come first. Take care of yourself first. Just like the good Lord says: remove the log in your eye before removing the thistle in your partner’s eye.
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Remember You’re Not Indispensable
Whether you say no or yes – against your will or not – remember you’re not indispensable. Life will go on in your absence. When you turn down a commitment or request, always know that life will go on and someone else would fill in for you. When you know that you aren’t the only one who can help in situations, you can easily say know.
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