Women Speak: When Your 21-Year Old is “With” Your Friend

By Adaora Ude Hello guys! I know we have done half of January 2014 already but it’s not too late to wish us all a Happy New Year!! Wishing that 2014 hold for us bountiful blessings and absolute positivity. Okay; so here I am in the midst of a number of women age ranging from 29 to 46, having drinks and celebrating the new year; each with a smile on her face and different burdens and/or desires in her heart. The discussion flittered from topic to topic. Children, husbands, sex, church, work, in-laws, traffic, everything and then one topic that just dragged on and on I had to quickly conduct an opinion poll and also shared the same story with a few other friends in different parts of Nigeria. One lady gave a rather interesting account of her sister’s friend named…(Let’s call her Mrs. B) who was found to be having an affair with the cute 21-year old son of her friend. Mrs. B is a hot, single and successful mother who recently celebrated her 40th birthday. Of course everyone had an opinion of what they’d do if Mrs. B was their friend “corrupting” their 21-year old and so on. Yours truly quickly became an oversabi reporter; as I like gberun, this one was right up my alley. This is what some of the women had to say: Ronke A, Lagos I won’t take it Oo…………in fact, It’s a No No for me…I’ll cut ties with such a friend and send my son far faaaaar away……..Or better still use my ‘MUM’ Power on my son. I’ll let him see reason too…….then God will take over..(That if his father hasn’t killed him already)…I do support cougars o, mind you, but not my son with my FRIEND! Abimbola, Lagos I would be very angry o; anger doesn’t even explain it, and I don’t even want to know what happened o. If it’s serious like marriage and she is single, I can manage to swallow the bitter pill, but would prefer someone in his age bracket because of kids that may come and the ability to control the home sef. However, if it’s for the fun of it then I’m cutting ties with her, I know it would be hard to control my son ‘cos of his age; I suppose I’ll just go spiritual on his matter! Nkechi A, Lagos Hmmmn! Tough question Ada! Hold on, this friend of mine, if she is pretty, sexy and hot, and when I say sexy, I really do mean sexy. Is a cool headed  type, very reserved and single, I would not be very angry, but would speak to her about it…heart to heart, kindly ask her to look elsewhere, and also speak to my son. But if the lady is not worth it!!!! Hian… I would cut ties and keep a close eye on the boy…sex has no age oooo and you know how these young boys are; it is possible that my son is the one on her case. They are more sexually active and aggressive these days, “them nor dey sabi their mate again’, so I would just follow the issue with wisdom. Alice, Lagos I no wan know if love dey dia abeg. The day I hear am kpam, I declare war both spiritually and physically oo. Make oyinbo dey do cougar love abeg; me, I be omo naija proper and I will disgrace that friend of mine if she is not careful! Sugar, Owerri Dunno what to say ooo as I have 3 daughters so if my girl is with a friend of mine (male) for the money and they are friends with benefits, then I will appeal to my friend’s sensible side (that is if it exists, after all he knew he was *expletive* my Dota)! Will speak with my child too and make her realize that she can do better with a younger man! If it’s love, I will also appeal to my friend and put my Daughter into serious prayer (cos at that age, they feel you don’t just “Gerrit”) Fatima O, Abuja How much difference does age really make? Dating an older woman is quite the rage these days. Boys lately are so keen on dating more mature ladies *wink wink* Cougar Alert!!!  Plus the women are more likely to put out and pay for everything/bills and so on and won’t give troubles and hassles that young girls bring. But seriously, Ma friend wey don chop life *surprised look* she wan come finish my son; noo ooh I won’t let that happen, and that’s cos it’s my son that is involved. Tope D, Abuja First I would pray for that son because it is most likely he would be attracted to older women, even after marrying a young girl. Then I’ll take him to see a psychologist for checkup, I will sit him down to ask him if he is in love or lust? This life no hard pass as we see am oooo, If it leads to marriage, I ain’t gonna participate like I would have. Pat A, Lagos Gush, disgusting, I can never allow that, my friend @40 messing around with my boy @20?  naaaaa. For that my friend to descend that low means she’s a woman of questionable character not a good person thus she can never be my friend again and will not be allowed anywhere my home again not to talk of my boy.  And my son, whatever led him to do this, whether Infatuation, Lust or greed will be dealt with in my own way. I would  believe he was lured into it by my friend who is older and more matured therefore I’ll be more calm while dealing with him so as not to drive him away completely, I’ll tell him to face his studies which is more important for now. Give him one or two reasons why what he was doing is so wrong and watch him closely if possible change school for him. Amaka A, Abuja Well for me I will stop at nothing to make sure that she doesn’t’ continue that relationship, i will report her to the police, her kinsmen, up to her village and kindred will hear of it. It’s a taboo and shouldn’t be encouraged. I will even pay newspapers to carry it and if she has shame she will stop it cos only her can do that as the more matured of the two. For my son I will enter fasting and prayer for her n will keep talking to him, won’t go in a hard way but calmly cos he may decide to run away from home and another alternative is to change school for him, maybe send him abroad. Anonymous, Abuja I’ll publicly disgrace her and if she continues to mess up with my son, I’ll poison her. Rubbish!!!! Ebele I, Abuja It’s a taboo! It’s impossible o. I Just pray it does not happen cos’ I can’t just imagine it talk more of trying to reason. That relationship MUST be severed o. By fire, by force! That woman can’t possibly be my friend cos for her to even think of sleeping with my son, it is a taboo and she can’t be my type of person. She ought to play the role of a mother not a sex partner. As for my son, I’ll send him far away from here. It’s a matter of time, and whatever they have for each other will fizzle. Anonymous, Lagos Hmmm, well I can’t say what I’d do oo! It’s better for me not to hear. It was supposed to be a secret anyway and it is only because they got caught that everyone would have an opinion. I am an unmarried mother myself and two years away form 40. I know how many young men disturb my life. LOTS!! And the truth is sometimes even I am tempted but I’d think seriously about it if it were my friend’s son!  Really what I have realized in life is that you “never say never” so I hope my friend doesn’t approach my son, I hope my son doesn’t approach my friend and if it happens, I’d rather not know about it. All na prayer! All right folks; you’ve read it. What is your take? Let us know what you think, what you’d do or if you have heard of a similar experience, share the story! Have fun y’all and I wish you all the best this year!!