By Aize Ehimwenma
I once watched an episode of popular sitcom “Everybody Loves Raymond” where a bride-to-be was all excited while trying to plan with the groom’s mother for their wedding. “Honey, the cake is going to be designed by XYZ. The bridal gown will come from ABC bespoke clothiers etc.” To which the groom replied, “Am I invited?”
How like Raymond’s fiancée many of us ladies can be, excluding the most important other person from the wedding plans as if we are going to wed ourselves. We esteem the wedding much more than the marriage, and would go to any length to impress the invited guests without bothering the least to invest in the marriage. Yes, a wedding is an opportunity for the couple involved to express their creativity and individuality, but must we go bankrupt in the name of having a five-star wedding? I am particularly pained by the recent trend which sees brides putting so much pressure on their grooms and anyone else who would indulge them, just to have a classy, talk-of-the-town wedding.
A dear friend of mine got married sometime ago, and I can recall the undue pressure she put on herself and her family to ‘represent’. She insisted on her sisters buying the most expensive George as ‘Aso Ebi’. When they refused, she fought them hard and labelled them uncaring and inconsiderate. Of course, I being the chief bridesmaid was not spared the drama, as she insisted that I buy a very expensive gown to suit my status. Upon enquiry, she revealed to me that she had booked a bridal gown which was less expensive than the one she insisted that I buy. At that point, I had to assure her that her marriage would be blissful whether or not she succeeded in pulling off a five-star wedding.
Just in case you are wondering just what it is am I advocating, here is the deal: I am of the belief that beyond the wedding, there is a marriage. The wedding is a shadow of the real thing–marriage. While the wedding may be marked by glitz and glamour, the marriage is no red-carpet event. It is work, work, work and more work, and you have to be grounded in reality to face the challenges and responsibilities that come with marriage.
Now, judge for yourself: does it really make any sense to borrow as much as you can to have a lavish wedding, only to start marriage on a deficit? The worst part of this whole syndrome is the fact that most times, the people we try to impress are those we do not even like a teensy weensy bit. Truth is genuine friends and well-wishers will be very pleased to be our cheerleaders should anything go wrong at our weddings. So what if Bella Adenuga and Jameel Disu’s wedding cost a fortune? And Prince Williams and Kate Middleton’s was a re-enactment of your classic princess-and-knight-in-shining-armour fairytale? Now, don’t get me wrong. I have absolutely nothing against doing things with finesse and a touch of panache. All I am saying is that we all should heed that old adage that says ‘’cut your coat according to your cloth’’.