As a student of linguistics, dialectology was one of my favourite aspects to study. The differences between dialects of a language fascinated me to no end, as did paying attention to the points where a dialect would be considered a language on its own. I particularly loved cornering Igbo people and asking them about “l” and “r” and “f” and “h” sounds (Aha/Afa, Udara/Udala) and other such dialectal differences.
So imagine my surprise and delight when I found out that love languages also have dialects! As most of us have known for years, the five love languages as outlined by Gary Chapman are:
- Words of Affirmation- Hearing affirming words fills up their love tank.
- Quality Time – Your undivided attention is all they want.
- Receiving Gifts – Receiving a gift makes them feel loved.
- Acts of Service – Actions speak louder than words.
- Physical Touch – Nothing says “I love you” more than your touches.
Within each language, however, there are various dialects, and the people you love may prefer some over others when it comes to receiving love. Here are some interesting things about the dialects:
- Displaying pride out loud in something your partner has accomplished is a dialect of Words of Affirmation.
- Quality conversation is one of the most common dialects of Quality Time.
- Thoughtful loving is a dialect of Acts of Service and also of Receiving Gifts. For some, it’s not always about doing just any task, or buying any gift, regardless of the size. The thought you put into selecting matters more.
- “I love you because…” is a dialect of Words of Affirmation that produces instant results for some lovers.
- Although Physical Touch is not all about sex, sexual intercourse is actually a dialect of the language.
- Not all Words of Affirmation are the same. Some prefer flowery words and compliments, while others prefer deep, appreciative words.
- Just as inexpensive, thoughtful gifts mean a lot, going all out to get HUGE gifts on special days like birthdays and anniversaries is also a dialect of Receiving Gifts.
- Doing tasks for your beloved first, before attending to others’ request, is a dialect of Acts of Service.
- Verbally garnering support for something that’s important to your partner (like saying wonderful things about their product or business) is a dialect of Words of Affirmation even though you’re not speaking directly to them.
- Doing their hobby together is a dialect of Quality Time that makes some feel really loved.
- Physical affection in public is a dialect of Physical Touch, but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
- Receiving favourite edibles – from drinks and snacks to full meals – is a dialect of Receiving Gifts.
- Good old encouragement is a dialect of Words of Affirmation.
If you’ve been speaking your partner’s love language and it hasn’t made any difference, perhaps it’s time to take a closer look and consider speaking not just their language but their dialect. Trust me, it’s worth it.