Divorce is nasty. No one wants to go through all the hurdles of being wed to a partner only to end the marriage in a divorce. According to Vanguardngr, the rate of divorce in Nigeria has risen from 0.2% in 2016 to 14% in 2019.
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There might be numerous reasons for that but the fact remains that no one wants to fund themselves in those situations. There are all the legal implications and the monies to consider.
Above all, there are the children who bear the consequences of a union they had no hand in choosing. These are the major concern of many divorce settlements and rightly so because they had no hand in choosing their fate. How then do you explain divorce to children?
Keep It Simple
Do not use big grammar to explain what is happening. be straight to the point. Simply let them know that divorce happens when daddy and mummy decide not to live together again and go to court so that they can be single like before.
No Blame Game
It might be tempting to go into the entire detail and paint your partner in a bad light in a bid to stop the kids from hating you. It is understandable but unnecessary. The kids would love whom they love and blaming your partner would never pay in the end. Tell them only the necessary details and leave the blame game alone.
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Clear Arrangement Plan
Before you break the news to the kids, you must have prepared a clear arrangement plan. Tell them who would pick them up from school, which they would stay with for the holidays, how many contacts each party would keep with them. The kids need to know that they are not just some sort of afterthought of the event but were considered in the divorce process.
Do It Together
Breaking divorce news can cause serious medical consequences and it is important to break the news as a united entity. Let the kids see you and your partner as one unit coming to an agreement that is beneficial for them. There should be no ‘one aside’. If the kids notice a rift, they would exploit it in the long run. For their own good, give them no room to do that.
Reassure Them
The kids need to be reassured. Parents may get angry in the cause of arguments and say nasty stuff but even after the divorce has been long gone. Occasionally, reassure them that they are not the cause of the divorce and that you both love them regardless.
At the end of the day, the truth of the matter is that you might apply all these and the kids would still throw a tantrum. With time, they would learn to adjust and understand that what happened was a part of human existence and they would take it in stride.
To various families going through a divorce, find other families and connect with them. It would help the kids know that they are not passing through this stage alone. Do you know anyone who has overcome divorce; feel free to comment below on how they overcame?
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