Sometimes, a woman finds herself at a complete loss when her boyfriend/husband suddenly stops acting like the almost-perfect gentleman she fell in love with, and she begins to ask questions: “Where did it all go so wrong?” “Is there someone else?” Am I no longer attractive to him?” “Did I fall in love with the wrong man?” etc. If you are in this situation, try to pay attention to that nagging voice in your head asking “did I cause this?”
While I am not saying that you as my woman is to blame whenever I seem to be deviating from who I was, and who you knew me to be; it is a possibility that you do not realize how much influence you have on me, my behaviour and reactions. While I’m not excusing the bad behaviour of some irresponsible men out there, the truth is, I have seen ‘good’ guys stray from a serious relationship because the other woman had a better listening ear and would always ‘seem’ to be a better pillar of support and strength (even “if” she is not) than the gorgeous and successful main chic.
So you need to know that the issue of morale is a big deal for everybody, but a bigger deal for me as a man when it comes to my woman in a committed relationship. My morale has everything to do with my emotional and mental condition with respect to cheerfulness, confidence, and zeal, especially in the face of opposition and hardship.
So what are some of the things you should do or not do as my woman to boost the degree of my mental health and moral confidence?
1. Stop yelling at me
Yelling at me like you would at a child will only emasculate me further. If there’s something that you want to talk about, let’s discuss calmly like two adults in love. And if for any reason I yell first, you can wait till the situation is calmer and point it out to me that you don’t like being yelled at rather than starting a game of who yells better.
2. Don’t make me feel stupid
When I talk about my bad day or a mistake I made, don’t say things like “I told you so,” “I knew it was going to turn out like this,” “You were not careful” etc. What I am going to hear is “I know better than you” “You are not capable of making decisions” “You are not smart” etc. and before you know it, my ego will enter the picture and morale will become low. If I bring my problems and mistakes to you, what I want is a listening ear and then suggestions without forcing them down my throat. Men have big egos and it doesn’t matter if we are older or younger than you, we simply don’t want our women to make us feel stupid.
3. I want to be appreciated too
Some women think that saying “thank you” all the time to their men is not necessary because they feel the man is simply doing his duty whenever he does something for them or to them; this is wrong. I want to be appreciated for those little and normal things like you would too. If I drop you at home after work, open and hold the door for you at the mall, or drop you off after a date, a simple “thank you dear” will be great. When I do some things that are considered manly for you, like lifting something heavy, fixing a door, or opening the lid of a tight jar, and you compliment my strength or my manliness; it’ll give me the macho boost every man so badly craves from his woman.
4. Don’t try to be my mother
I mean this in a most respectful manner, because I’ve heard a lot of people say that once two people are in a committed relationship, the man becomes like a father to the woman and the woman, like his mother. Nothing is farther from the truth! While some women might be looking for a father figure in a man, most guys I know are not interested in someone trying to replace their mother; whether she is dead or alive. While it is good for you to make suggestions and motivate me to become better at something I am already good at, try to do so without babying me even if you call me “baby.”
Dear readers, what do you think? What lowers your morale in a relationship? Let’s talk! Please share your thoughts in the comments section below or send your opinion to editor@connectnigeria.com (remember to indicate your name and gender).
About the Writer: Chris Bamidele is a passionate and unapologetic Nigerian who believes in God and humanity. He is a writer, blogger and an aspiring Television Director; and an optimist to the core. He blogs at www.chrisbamidele.wordpress.com and tweets @chrisbamidele
