I recently had a conversation with a friend after we saw this screenshot:
This young woman gave her boyfriend a loan when he was in need. She helped him, and he wasn’t pleased when she asked for her money, so he broke up with her. Wow. Just wow.
His immature, selfish, manipulative behaviour wasn’t our major concern here though. We didn’t focus on men who ask women for money intending to scam them out of it. We didn’t spend too much time wondering why they couldn’t ask their friends and family for money, why it just had to be the girlfriend. We wondered instead about the girlfriends who do the lending.
You see, like my friend, I’ve been that girl. You probably have too, at some point in life. You’re dating a guy and he has friends he’s always talking about, he has maternal and paternal relatives old and young, but when he wants to borrow money it’s from you. And a nice girl helps her man out, doesn’t she? Yeah. We also know about the corner office nice girls don’t get, and the wealth they never build.
The more my friend and I asked and answered questions, the more reflection I did, and at the end of that chat I had words for the nice girl I once was.
Dear nice girl, you know why you’re playing microfinance bank up and down (actually those ones collect interest so you’re not even one) with your income? You don’t realise you don’t even have money. You think you have money because of your N150k/200k salary. Maybe it’s because you are able to live on less than your income so you save the rest. And to your small town girl mind, that savings account means you have money. So when your boyfriend or other male friend needs money, you quickly dip into your savings and lend to them. Foolish girl. Poor, foolish girl!
You don’t realise that your savings, even if you never touched them, cannot do much for you sitting there in the bank. You’re accumulating money aimlessly, with no goal in mind, and so you think you have “spare money” to lend.
I remember back when I had a relatively good salary and way fewer responsibilities. I could have engaged the services of a good stockbroker. I could have put more in mutual funds than I did. I could have invested in treasury bills. Perhaps I would have some Forex savings now. Maybe I could have collaborated with a friend or two, and the land we bought for hundreds of thousands back then would be worth millions now. I could have built wealth aggressively, such that today, I would be in a position to help those who are genuinely in need of my help.
When a young woman has financial goals and sound financial education, she’s too busy making her budget work, and taking advantage of investment opportunities, to have spare cash lying around waiting for a “man friend” to borrow.
Financial education should be taught to young girls and boys in school, so they can grow up with a solid understanding of how money works, how to earn it, and how to make it grow.
If you really want to be a giver, an authentic liberal soul who waters and is in turn watered, you cannot afford to eat your dinner for breakfast. And you cannot afford to lend it to men friends, for goodness’ sake!
Building financial muscle and creating personal wealth is not a choice, it is a responsibility, and the future is now. Woman up!
