Forgiveness: Is Your Future The Past?

By Bernice Alhassan

Forgiving and forgetting past hurts is perhaps one of the most challenging things to do emotionally. It involves a lot of conscious effort, strength and will power. Certain people lock up a lot of past hurts, wounds and pains without realizing the negative effects it has on both their present and future. Anyone would agree with me that it’s a lot of baggage to live and move around with yet a lot of us seem to be more comfortable with being weighed down rather than being free. It is even more appalling to find that some have stored up anger and pain for so long, they are not even aware of it; such people hold on to past hurts on a subconscious level and it begins to taint every single thing they do without them even knowing it. Our churches today are filled with people crying and praying for one breakthrough, and miracle or the other. Some are sick and no doctor can seem to identify the problem. Often times, I find unforgiveness at the root of such cases. What most people never realize is that holding unto past grudges and hurts chains you much more than it does the subject of your grudge or hurt. Now, I know letting go is not exactly going to happen magically but a lot of it depends on you. Besides, forgiving and forgetting let’s you enjoy the present while being able to grasp the future squarely. By forgetting, I don’t mean pretending it never happened, no. I mean being able to look back on the experience without recalling the hurt. As such, I’ve being able to outline a few tips that have helped me forgive and forget in the past (and which are still helping me) and which I know can help you to, but only if you are ready. 1. Address the underlying issue. A past left unresolved will keep haunting you if you don’t address the underlying hurt, pain and anger. You may want to revisit aspects of what happened as this helps you to free up your mind and fully comprehend what happened. In the event that it’s someone who has hurt you, try to communicate your feelings especially if the person is close to you. It is important to realize that communication allows the other party offer an explanation for his/her hurtful behavior as well as help you overcome same. Thus, do all you can not to shut down the lines of communication completely. 2. Lose the details Most times when we are hurt we replay the scene over and over in our minds till it becomes etched in color. An occurrence of years ago can still sting as deeply as though it just happened yesterday, because we keep rehearsing the details. The result is that we are never able to get past it. Choosing to move on despite the hurts is the key to forgetting. Accept that you cannot change what happened and work on the way you perceive and handle it from now on. Live in the present, look forward to the future and bury the sour memories of the past. 3. Give room for apology. A soft answer, King Solomon of the Holy Bible said, turns away wrath. An apology from the person who has hurt you goes a long way to aid forgiveness. But sometimes, we are so infuriated and hurt over an incident that we do not give room for it. In such situations, take a chill pill and remind yourself that just like th