I designed the image below for a friend who is currently having marital problems. I couldn’t find the right words to tell her especially after hearing the whole story and realizing that her interpretation and ideology of marriage was completely different from what marriage actually stands for.
Most people believe that the moment after saying ‘I DO’ that’s about it – no turning back. They are wrong! I am married, so I know better than that. Whether or not I am still learning (like you might have thought) doesn’t make all I know now any less. Let me take this one line at a time:
Contrary to popular beliefs, walking away doesn’t make you a coward. You should walk away when you have lost your sense of security. You should walk away when you are not being met halfway. You should walk away from that marriage when it no longer fulfills the terms and conditions that comes with being married, which is 1 + 1 = 1 … When that equation becomes 2, Yes! Walking away doesn’t make you a coward but a realist.
Sometimes being a quitter is a great thing. Saying NO MORE to a physically abusive spouse, saying NO MORE to psychological torment and abuse, saying NO MORE to enduring a spouse’s infidelity, saying NO MORE to giving the whole of you and getting nothing in return, saying NO MORE to hoping that things would change when in fact they never will, does not make you a quitter. It takes a lot of courage and strength to say NO MORE.
Happiness is a choice. Some people believe that when you get married, you automatically have to place your personal wants and happiness aside and do everything you can (even if it means compromising your happiness) to keep your partner happy. Well, they are wrong. If your partner feels as strongly as you feel for him or her, then, he or she would never put you in a position where you have to compromise your happiness to keep him or her happy. Everyone (married or not) has a right and deserves to be happy. If and when you choose to be happy irrespective of your marriage, it doesn’t make you a selfish person.
Who doesn’t want to be taken care of? Who doesn’t want wealth and riches? Why do people flock churches that preach more on ‘prosperity’ than salvation? Why would an average responsible man wait to have a job and a house before getting married? To answer all the questions above, the average man wants comfortability! And if wanting to be comfortable in your marriage is being misinterpreted as being materialistic, then you can’t help anyone with such an opinion about you. You MUST be comfortable in that marriage. One of your spouse’s (whether husband or wife) responsibilities is caring and ensuring your comfort. Where there is discomfort, there will be scorn.
Lately, I discovered that not all couples work and play as a team. At first, I couldn’t understand it because that goes against everything marriage is actually about. Until I met a couple who were having some major marital drama and then it hit me! He had decided to ‘do HIM’ instead of walking out of his marriage. Now, the fact that you recognize that your marriage is heading for the rocks and you choose to stay instead of walking does not mean you should lose your sanity. When you choose to ‘do YOU’ – that means, you are placing YOU above that marriage. Some might argue that instead of doing that, it is better to walk away. If you have never been married, then you are allowed to think that way. Marriage is simple and complicated at the same time; and NOT for the weak-hearted. In a marriage with peculiar circumstances, you are allowed to ‘do YOU’ and that will not make you less of a team player.
Marriage is really just like any institution. You learn along the way. You have to use your heart and brain to guide you through it. If you choose to drop out of that institution because you are failing or you can’t keep up, oh well, that’s life … but do not lose your sanity all in the name of marriage. It is not worth it! Strange but true.
Photo Credit: Erniesha Tibs and blackdoctor.org
About the Writer: Erniesha Tibs is a wife, a fashion lover, a student, a radio host and reality blogger. As always, I strongly believe in respecting people. RESPECTING OTHERS is what got me this far in Life. Follow me on instagram @ernieshatibs. Website – www.everydaytibs.blogspot.com and www.facebook.com/Everydaytibs