Listening goes beyond just hearing what the other person or party is saying; it involves sensing, interpreting, evaluating and responding. Anyone who is not listening at all or who listens but is not a good listener cannot be a good leader, because good listening is an essential part of being a good leader. You must be very aware of the feedback you are receiving from the people around you, from situations around you and from your society or surroundings. If you are not a good listener, your future as a leader will be short.
Most failed communications are the consequences of poor speaking, poor listening and/or poor understanding. Most of us have learned how to give the appearance of listening to our bosses or subordinates while we really are not listening. And sometimes, the message received is different from the one sent. We listened, but we did not get the intended message.
One would wonder why we mostly have courses and training in speaking and writing but rarely in listening. This is because many people believe that good listening skills are easy to learn or they are automatically part of every person’s personality; you need to understand that neither is correct. This is because good listening includes a package of skills, which requires knowledge of technique and practice very similar to good writing or good speaking. It is also important to know the three basic listening modes: they are; Combative, Attentive and Reflective.
Poor listening skills are more common than poor speaking skills. But the difference is that poor listening skills are often not as obvious to other people as poor speaking. If we cannot speak effectively, it is immediately obvious, but it takes a little time for other people to become aware that someone is a poor listener.
While perfection in listening, just as in other communications skills, does not exist, we can always improve our listening skills. So, how do you go about it? How do you become better at listening? Here are some tips.
1. Concentrate
Good listening is normally hard work. At every moment we are receiving literally millions of sensory messages. But even in the midst of these millions of messages, we have to repress most and concentrate on the verbal sounds, and most times visual clues from one source – on the words, ideas and feeling related to the subject of interest.
2. Maintain Eye Contact
Some cultures in Africa consider it as an affront when someone older or in position of authority is talking to you and you stare directly into their eyes, but to be honest, good eye contact is essential for good listening and comprehension. When you maintain eye contact during a conversation, some of the competing visual inputs are eliminated, and you are not likely to be distracted from the person talking to you. More importantly, since the greater part of many messages in communication are in non-verbal form, watching the eyes and face of a person would enable us pick up clues as to the general content.
3. Be Objective
While it is very difficult to be completely open when listening to someone else’s opinion because each of us is strongly biased by the weight of our past experiences, being objective about the message the other person is sending helps our listening ability a lot. Most times, we give meanings to messages based on what we have been taught or exposed to, or our perception of the sender. But if we stay open-minded, we might come to understand and appreciate such messages. For you to be a leader, you have to start being objective now because you will need to understand a wide range of opinions on often-controversial subjects or people.
4. Ask Questions And Restate
Your restating the message as part of the feedback can enhance the effectiveness of good communications. Try and paraphrase the instruction or information you have just received. And if the communication is not clear, such a feedback will allow for immediate clarification. Questions can also serve the same purpose as restating the message. If you are unclear about the intent of a message, ask for more relevant information and allow sufficient time for explanations.
5. Stop Interrupting
Yes, we know you are brilliant, savvy and want to make a point. But the point of listening is to give the other person centre stage to make his or her own point. Don’t finish off the person’s sentences, even if you think you know the answer. People who feel they know it all don’t make good listeners.
These five tips are in no way exhaustive but even as you practice these five and more, it is important to know that out of the three basic listening modes, being attentive and reflective always trump being combative, except if you are in a debate.
About the author: Chris Bamidele is a passionate and unapologetic Nigerian, who believes in God and humanity. He is a writer, blogger, and an aspiring Television Director; and an optimist to the core. He blogs at www.chrisbamidele.wordpress.com and tweets @Chrisbamidele.
