Relationship success, like success in other areas of life, is an aggregate of great choices and actions every day. Not many people fall in love and grow in love because of one big thing or the other that their partner did. It’s usually the little things done consistently over time, both sentimental and practical.
What can you do in your relationship or in your marriage today to make it better, even if only a teeny weeny little bit better than it was yesterday?
1. Meditate on something good about your partner daily. The mind is where it all begins. When we open our mouths to speak, we speak what our hearts are full of. Have you ever spent time ruminating on some annoying habit or quality your spouse has, only to open fire when they ask you a simple question? They’re usually left wondering where that came from! The same thing happens when you unexpectedly give them a hug or say something sweet to them. “Now where did that come from? What did I do?” It begins in our thoughts.
2. Do something for your partner every day. You can’t do the big things every day, but if you pay attention you’ll see that there are lots of small acts that your partner will appreciate. You can’t give a full body massage but how about a back rub? Can you help proofread what they just wrote? Pick up something they love on your way back home? Recommend someone for them to follow on Twitter? Help them fix something? Read to them? You know the kinds of things that they love; one small thing daily will go a very long way over time.
3. Keep quiet. We not only show love by the things we say, but by the things we leave unsaid as well. It’s not everything you should say. Every day, weigh the unpleasant or uncomplimentary words that enter your mind to say to your partner, and be determined to say only what is absolutely necessary. It doesn’t mean you’re not being honest. It just means you’re wise and kind.
4. Ask for what you want. What would make you feel really loved? What would you appreciate seeing an end to? What have you been craving? They can’t know unless you let them know. If dropping clues hasn’t been working, how about telling them plainly what you want or need in person, or in writing? Sometimes, we do not have what we desire simply because we haven’t asked for it. Speak up about your needs and desires today, even the tiny ones. A relationship is not only about one person giving endlessly; your partner should have a chance to satisfy you and make you happy too, or at least try.
5. Try something new. Creativity goes a long way to make relationships beautiful. Is there something you’ve never done before that you could try? Could you take a stroll together if you haven’t before? Perhaps watch a TED video together and discuss it afterwards? How about you start texting each other if you’re only used to calling, or vice versa? What if you fed them (or each other) fruit pieces tonight? Have you ever lain together in silence, listening to music? What about writing a love letter or sending a romantic voice message? Or emailing them a song with a line about how it makes you think of them? What new thing can you try in bed today? Again, this doesn’t have to be about big stuff. Doing tiny, new things daily can add colour to your relationship.
Relationships do take work, but if you love someone, that work can often be delicious to do, and it’s always rewarding!