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It is no news that jealousy has destroyed numerous relationships the world over. It therefore cannot be over emphasized how important it is to learn to be in control and keep jealousy at bay. This depends largely on being able to identify what drives you to envy.

While it can be said that it is unclear if there are known techniques and practices that are a sure remedy to completely avoiding the feeling of jealousy, one common reason people feel jealousy in a relationship is in light of the fact that they accept they aren’t worthy of being with the individual they’re with.

If you find your jealousy causes issues in your relationship, then you have two alternatives: either discover you are deserving of love or move on. Make an effort not to stay stuck feeling insecure because it is neither fun nor what a true relationship is about.

There are a wide range of reasons individuals feel jealousy. Some originate from inside and others from outside sources. In any case, the one person who controls your feelings of jealousy regardless of whether your jealousy is caused from within or outside, is you. So remember that whenever the feeling begins to creep in.

A few step by step instructions to help keep jealousy away as much as possible:

1. Figure Out What Fulfills You

Every now and then, we feel jealous when we give too much of ourselves to a relationship. In case you find your partners needs always come first, or mostly, they make decisions when it comes to both of you, then it isn’t uncommon to feel jealous. They are enjoying their lives at the cost of you being someone else, forgetting about your own needs. If you also cater to your own likes and needs, then you won’t need to be jealous that you sacrificed yourself for someone else’s happiness.

2. Be Alright With Being Independent From Anyone Else

Being afraid is one of the greatest drivers of jealousy. On the off chance that you fear being alone, that feeling of fear may make you jelous when you don’t really have a reason to. We fear losing a loving relationship. But, if you are always jealous and suspecting of their behaviors, then it just might be that you aren’t okay with losing them. Because you’d be alone with yourself again. If they did cheat and you lost them, you will be okay alone. Your existence doesn’t depend on them. 

3. Realize There Are A Million Fish In The Sea

Sure, they might be the best thing you ever had, but if you are so jealous that they will cheat on you, they can’t be as awesome as you think. Decide for yourself if they are the type of person that will hurt you by cheating. If you believe they are, then you need to move on. Stop being jealous. If they choose to hurt you, then they don’t deserve you. There are many people out there who never would.

4. Recognize Your Own Strengths And Assets

Stop worrying about them finding someone and think about how lucky they are to have you. When you think you are with a ten and you are a three, then it is easy to feel jealous all the time. If you wonder why they are with you and fear at some point they will find better, then you don’t see what they see in you. That is not only your loss; it might be the source of you eventually losing them if they can’t curb your jealous nature.

5. Mind Over Matter

When you feel jealous, stop, think rationally, and figure out if it is real or something you created in your head. If you needlessly fear, you likely create a scenario in your head that isn’t real.

6. Stop Snooping

Constantly checking their actions through social media, going through their phone, or looking for receipts won’t give you the answers you need. In fact, it just adds more fuel to your fire. You either believe and trust them or let them go. Constantly trying to play the “I will catch you in the act” card isn’t fair to your partner. It certainly isn’t doing you any favors either.

7. Think Positive Unless You Have A Reason Not To

Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? You might be creating one. If you continually accuse your partner, look for proof of their infidelity, or confront them with distrust, you might get the very thing you are so afraid of. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t trust them. Your need to prove them a liar and a cheat eventually gets old. You end up losing them, whether they cheat or not. So, what is the purpose of always expecting the worst? Be positive.

8. Listen To That Inner Voice, But Only When It Is Rational

Try to ignore the inner voice fueled by fear. Listen to the one that tells you what is really in their heart. There are very few times when our true inner voice is wrong. It probably tells you to stop and find peace, not continue your witch hunt. You just have to stop and listen, very attentively.

9. Forget About Your Past

If you were cheated on in the past, let that event remain in the past where it belongs. Just because one person didn’t appreciate you doesn’t mean the person you are with doesn’t too. If you keep labeling them in the same category as those who hurt you, all you do is hurt yourself by gradually recreating your situations from the past.

10. Forget About Their Past

Even if they cheated in the past, that does not mean they will cheat again. You have no idea what their former relationship was like. Although once a cheater always a cheater may be true in some instances, you can’t assume you know their previous situation. So, let their past stay in their past.

11. Do Things Just For You

You might be jealous because you forgot what makes you happy and how much fun you had before you met them. Maybe you gave up those things that make you happy. It only puts more pressure on the relationship and fear of loss. If you want to know how to stop being jealous, it may just be about doing things that you love by yourself to prove that, if the worst happens and you aren’t together anymore, you can still be okay and happy.

12. Find Out What You Don’t Like About Yourself And Fix It

You should feel as if they are as lucky to have you as you are to have them. If you don’t, then it is time to find out why you think you are disposable. If you think they aren’t as into you as you are to them, then that is something to examine and figure out.

13. Talk With Your Significant Other About The Things That Make You Feel Insecure

If you want to know how to stop being jealous, you need to start by talking to your partner about the things they do to make you feel insecure. If you don’t like that they are close to their ex, then voice your concerns. If you worry your relationship is one-sided, be honest about that too. Sometimes honesty really is the best policy.

14. Don’t Cheat

If you cheat, then you are going to be jealous. Guilt is a very powerful driver of jealousy!

15. Don’t Isolate Yourself In The Relationship

Don’t stop going out with your friends or carrying on your regular relationships. Otherwise, you isolate yourself. That makes you feel like there is only one person in the world, which ups your fear factor. Make sure to keep in touch with the outside world, or you will find yourself extremely jealous.

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This article was first published on 1st October 2019 and updated on October 14th, 2019 at 12:20 pm


My name is Louis Anani and I am also known by friends as L.A Inspire. I am a digital content developer, realtor, inspirational storyteller, youth speaker and podcaster. I love to teach, council and help youngsters find a path in life when they feel empty and lost. And though solving the world’s problems is somewhat impossible, I believe doing one act of kindness to one person every day is a great start.

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